Deed to the Moon

For Sale by Century 21

So apparently people are actually selling and buying land on the moon. My initial thought was that whomever is selling it is a genius and whomever is buying it is an idiot, but then I realized that this is actually the greatest birthday gift idea of all time. Um, who wouldn't want a piece of the moon? If you go to MoonEstates you can choose from a wide variety of other ridiculous places to own property, including Mars and Venus, or, if the decision is too difficult and all three planets seem amazing, why not get land in all three in order to receive three times the bragging rights. When you're done buying your land, you should celebrate by proceeding directly to the nearest bathroom, taking out $100 and flushing it down the toilet.

Luckily there is no question as to authenticity and legitimacy of title, because MoonEstates prints the deed on high quality parchment paper with a GOLD heading, prints your name specially on it with the finest laser printer in the land, and encases it in a luxxxurious high quality frame, which are tell tale signs of rightful ownership. But just in case this whole Mars business turns out to be a hoax, with every purchase of Mars property they will include two real saints bones, a feather from the Dodo bird, a treasure map to El Dorado and the true identity of Jack the Ripper along with a complimentary package of magical elixirs and smelling salts.

Living in Narnia: Part Infinity

So I am looking into taking some classes at NYU this summer. I found a class I liked, called up "NYU Summer Sessions," listened to their 5 minute recorded message, dialed "0," was forced to listen to it again because apparently "0" is not a valid extension, and eventually got someone. I explained to her my situation and asked her how much taking this one class would be. "Well, it's $1,300 a point, and this is a three point class...$3,900 plus registration."

I told her that she must be mistaken, because I wanted to take a psychology class, not the class where they gave us the treasure map to El Dorado or where we learned from gold textbooks. She laughed and said "I know, it's really expensive. You can apply for a private loan though." I then asked her whether NYU was kidding me or whether everyone in the admissions office was actually living in Narnia because $4,000 is an extortionary amount that actually might be illegal. She laughed again and apologized that no financial aid would be available for summer students, and I assured her that I am EXTREMELY WEALTHY but really couldn't justify spending $4,000 unless the class involved the secrets of the universe.