No Time for a Job

A few weeks ago someone asked me how I didn't get bored "doing nothing" all day. While it is true that I am "technically" "unemployed," I actually am busier than ever. In the mornings I have Wife Swap, What Not to Wear and Trading Spouses on my DVR, and my afternoons are jam-packed with Maury Povich paternity tests, Oprah and Dr. Phil. I never even have time to go out at night anymore, because every single night of the week I'm booked solid with The Bachelor, The Biggest Loser, Intervention, Top Chef, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Tool Academy, Rock of Love Bus, Sober House, Confessions of a Teen Idol and Say Yes to the Dress. Add that to keeping on top of Us, In Touch, Star, People, Celebrity Life & Style, Marie Claire, Lucky and Glamour and mentally preparing for Millionaire Matchmaker and I Love Money 2 which is coming up in February, and it's a grueling schedule.

Remembering the plotlines and coming up with fresh insults for everyone on the shows is no easy task, so when people tell me that they're getting killed at work I know EXACTLY how they feel because I have never worked harder in my life than I do now. At any moment I could be quizzed by Megan or Risa via Gchat about Fergie's hideous wedding dress or asked to imitate alcoholic Marie from Intervention ("I wuv you Bora") and I take my job VERY seriously and need to be prepared. A few days ago someone emailed me about Howie Mandel being hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat, and if I hadn't known about it before that person sent me the link it would have been humiliating.