My Ear, Part V: This Time It's War

More like a subsidiary of Lenox HELL

My ear has been buzzing on an off for about a month now, and this evening I was checking my mail as I typically dO whenever the spirit moves me, and I am currently in receipt of a bill for $755 for an April 22nd appointment at Manhattan Eye & Ear. The bill claims that I owe $422 for "1 Nasal Endoscopy Diag/Uni/B" and $322 for "1 Eval/Mgt NP Expanded Focus."

This comes as somewhat of a surprise, given that prior to my appointment, I called Manhattan Eye & Ear, asked them how much an appointment would be, and was told $150, and then when I got there for my appointment, my card was immediately charged $140 before I even saw a doctor. I was unaware that just for the privilege of being a "new patient" I apparently had $322 tacked onto my bill FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. If the $322 is for being new, what the fuck is the $140 for? The privilege of walking through the goddamn door of the hospital? You may then recall that I saw Dr. Lim for a total of 8 minutes, which turns out to be $94.37 a minute. She performed exactly ZERO diagnostic tests on me, and merely LOOKED UP MY NOSE AND IN MY EARS with various tools, which apparently is worth $433.

Even more outrageous, my appointment was on April 22, but the bill was cut on May 14th, and arrived in my mailbox around May 16, but it's due to be paid or WILL GO INTO COLLECTIONS on May 24th. Um, is the hospital joking me? How about I call them tomorrow morning and say that due to the fact that they waited EXACTLY ONE MONTH to send me a bill, I am crossing out my name on the bill and replacing it with THEIR name and then sending it to MY collections agency because I have a strict policy whereby if people wait around and then sneak up and charge me one month after the fact, all the charges bounce off of me and return to them. Do they seriously expect people WITHOUT INSURANCE to just have heaping piles of cash laying around that they can access within 10 days to pay off ludicrously overpriced and possibly illegal medical charges for 8 minutes of shitty ass care for a problem that has not even been solved?

Manhattan Eye & Ear, if you are reading this, you are OFFICIALLY LIVING IN NARNIA if you think I won't spend the rest of my ING Savings FIGHTING this usury rather than pay your $755 complete bullshit bill. I wanted a bare bones ramshackle doctor's appointment for $140, was told I could have one, and then received completely ghetto care but was charged as if Dr. Lim washed my ear with Dom Perignon and prescribed me bottle service at TenJune. I am about to open up a world of pain on the phone with Lenox Hill Patient Financing tommorrow, the likes of which have never been seen.