Dressing up for the Train

Showcase Showdown

So Thursday I went home to break my er, "fast" at my parents house, but I had to spend the afternoon getting reading to look SHAMAZING on the train. Jewish holidays are high-traffic times where run-ins with popular people I went to high school with, and other assorted people that knew me ten years ago when shit wasn't looking top notch are extremely likely to occur. It is therefore extremely important that I look unbelievable in case of the aforementioned run-ins so that the news of my enhanced beauty can travel far and wide and people will conclude that I'm wildy rich, successful and happy.

So I hobbled in a dress and Miu Miu heels to the train, thereby giving myself 7 blisters, 4 new bunions and 25 calluses, and, as was predicted, my pain and effort to look amazing paid off because I ran into a guy I went to high school with who was in the cool crowd, a guy I made out with in high school who was traveling with his girlfriend, and a very good friend's ex-boyfriend on the subway. Had I been looking horrible, all people would have reported back to their respective friends that I was looking hideous and that time had not been kind to me, but luckily because I was looking insanely good, I have prevented that catastrophe from happening and am now one step closer to achieving victory over all my high school tormentors, many of whom are fat or in nursing programs.