Chiropracty: The Pursuit of Charlatanry

Representing the latest advances in medicine

The other day, I was reviewing other peoples' Facebook profiles and snickering because that's how I roll, when I came across a profile of an acquaintance of mine with her new baby. I grudgingly admitted that the picture of her and her baby was VAGUELY cute so I frantically searched her profile for ways I could tear her down in order to make myself feel better about the situation, at which point I discovered that her husband was a CHIROPRACTOR. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. I nearly choked to death I was laughing so hard, because then I saw that he was a chiropractor with a practice in Long Island, and I nearly lost my shit. If there's one occupation that's even lower on the totem pole than being a"freelance writer" it is being a chiropractor in Long Island.

I can't even deal with chiropracty andI literally cannot believe people buy into it. It's like no matter what problem you present with, their solution is to crack your back. Ear infection? Back crack. Cold? Neck crack. Nobody who goes to Harvard or any accredited school ever becomes a chiropractor, because it's reserved for the lowest common denomitor who fail out of Le Cordon Bleu and want to be their own boss. In fact, I think if you have a degree from a real school you are automatically rejected because you're morely to ask "probing" questions in class like "how does cracking a back in any way impact someone's else health."

If someone set me up on a date, and I was like "I'm a freelance writer - I know, EMBARRASSING" and he was like, "I'm a doctor" and I was like "Oh goody, what KIND of doctor" and he said "chiropractor" I would very calmly grab a wine bottle and bash it over his head, because you can't string people along like that and lead them to believe you have a real profession and then suckerpunch them by telling them you're a chiropractor or a D.O. (which once happened to me, and I had to spend the entire evening explaining that D.O.s are complete jokes and no one chooses to be them unless you do horribly on your MCAT which is in itself deeply humiliating).