High Alert: Reid from The Bachelorette is Jewish

Haha, GOTCHA

Maybe I had the part of last night's show on mute where Jillian is making some reference to Christmas Eve and presents to Reid who was like "Christmas is the day where I wake up and other kids get presents," but Megan has just informed me that Reid is Jewish. I have confirmed this information via internet searches, which reveals that Reid is Reid Rosenthal of Philadelphia and he runs some vaguely sketchy real estate business. I always suspected he was Jewish because his name is aggressively trying to NOT be Jewish and he seems like he went to Colby or Bates or some school where no Jews go and where you rappel to class on skis, but when he told Jillian that he didn't date girls that looked like her (i.e., trolls), he usually dated blondes, it pretty much sealed the deal because he was obviously trying to escape from the wonky nose, brown hair/brown eyes look that he was surrounded by growing up, and he probably didn't think that when he got on a dating show, he would be stuck dating a wonky nose brown hair/brown eyed woman is non-Jewish to boot.

In any event, Reid, if you are reading this, you will be pleased to know that I am a Jew but have (somewhat) corrected my wonky nose and have also dyed my hair blonde in a good faith effort to subvert my identity, and at this time I would like to invite you to call me immediately so that we can go on a date where we could feel free to discuss our neuroses and complain about fondue contamination in goddamn peace without being judged by annoying and hideous Canadians who reference Christmas in conversations in a deliberate attempt to make people feel like outsiders.