A Few Thoughts on Last Night's Bachelorette

Last night I was out because sometimes that happens and during the entire evening I got frantic texts from Risa and Frank the Tank about the insanity that was going down on last night's episode of the Bachelorette involving Pilot Jake and 1/8th Asian Ed (who Tiffany agrees with me is 1/8th Asian "or more" and Tiffany is 100% Asian). So I come home and my DVR has failed to record The Bachelorette and instead has two Interventions that weren't even new episodes, so I had to wait until today to watch it on ABC.com. I just got through those grueling 2 hours and here are my preliminary thoughts:

1. Reid could not be any less attracted to Jillian and Wes has Botox on his forehead.

2. Breakdance Mike hopping up and down when he saw his twin brother and his mom was completely unacceptable, but I kind of felt bad for him during his exit interview when he said he was in love with her because I think he underestimates his own attraciveness level and mistakenly thinks that Jillian is like a goodlooking catch.

3. Jake was wearing a PILOT'S COSTUME for no apparent reason because he did not fly a plane out to Austin, he himself admitted that he "caught the first flight out." Jake also suffers from unspeakable corniness, which is most evident in his tucked in and bloused out shirts. I'm not sure why he was like crying and having a heart attack over revealing the completely unshocking news to Jillian that Wes had a girlfriend, considering Jillian just eliminated him and they're not friends in real life. Also, the crying over the railing scene was classic Jason Mesnick, nice try.

4. Jillian needs to stop asking everyone "I am your type?" because the question is pathetic and really needy. If you have to ask that question then you already know the answer.

5. Can someone explain why they COMPLETELY ignored the issue of Ed's job. So like, he returned to Chicago and his boss was like, "it's too late, you're fired" so he returned to the show and claimed that it was because he was thinking about Jillian. Why would Jillian or anybody want to date Ed if he doesn't have a job. I'm unemployed but I would certainly never date someone who was. Like what are they going to do after the show's over, move in to Ed's parents' basement and eat DiGiorno pizzas in his den? You have to be practical about these situations, although I supposed the Tacori engagement ring by Tacori would be free, courtesy of Tacori, so he wouldn't have to worry about that expense.

6. Kiptyn's parents were pretentious but they seem rich which is a plus. Kiptyn also seemed more attracted to his goodlooking sister than to Jillian, for obvious reasons.

7. Jesse's brother looked like Encino Man and his vest/tie combination at the end was straight out of a Color Me Badd video.

8. I fell out of my chair when Jillian arrived for the rose ceremony to HARP music dressed in a yellow "grecian" gown, like she was some mystical princess or her beauty was otherworldly. Seriously, get out of here. She is a troll and I would actually argue that she gets worse and worse looking with every episode.