Wallet Karma is REAL

Back in Black

Last Monday I performed my typical Monday night routine of stumbling back to my apartment drunk as a skunk, cramming a very delicious Heath Bar in my face, watching an old episode of Say Yes to the Dress on my DVR and then promptly passing out. When I woke up at 11:10am on Tuesday, I went to my bag to get some ice cold cash to buy my athlete's breakfast of coffee and a mint chocolate Zone bar only to discover my wallet was missing. At first I didn't really panic because my wallet is camouflage which means that it is skilled in the arts of hiding and blending into its surroundings, but after throwing all my couch cushions up, ripping the sheets off my bed and doing other things that I've seen people do in movies when they've lost something, I determined it had dropped out of my bag at the bar when I was bragging about Perry's Hanukkah picture from last year which was in my wallet.

Thankfully there were no charges on any of my cards, but obviously the two major problems were a) that I need at least 3 weeks' notice before taking a new license photo in order to kick it into high gear at the gym, and b) my wallet is irreplaceable. And this may sound completely ludicrous, but I wasn't really that worried about getting my wallet back because my wallet karma is very strong right now due to the fact that I just returned a wallet. It therefore came as no surprise that someone called me at 4pm and told me they had my wallet. ZING. When I got it back obviously the cash was missing and someone will pay dearly for that, but this nevertheless CONCLUSIVELY proves my theory of wallet karma, namely which is if you find one, return it unless you don't want yours back if you lose it. It also proves my theory that my wallet runs away sometimes but returns to me because we were meant to be together.