Wednesday, October 1, 2008

List of Delicious Candy Bars - Robespierre Responds

We are the champions, my friends

Based on the comments to my earlier post, it appears that I have struck a chord in listing the most delicious candy bars, in order of deliciousness. Some of you were incensed that I forgot Ferrero Rocher, Toblerone and Almond Joy. Others of you attacked Heath Bar as being an ice cream topping exclusively and Skor has having the bare minimum ratio of chocolate to toffee humanly possibly. Below, I respond to these proffered inclusions and "alleged" "shortcomings" of my 100% error-free list:

Jennifer wondered why I hadn't included Ferrero Rocher and Perugina Baci. The answer to this is because they are terrible, resemble doody balls, and get stuck in your teeth. Guylian sea shells are, however, delicious, but have not been included in this list because they look like soap.

Blogonaut demanded that Toblerone Swiss Milk Chocolate with Honey and Almond Nougat be included on the list. The rightful place of Toblerone is in corporate goody bags and as the grand prize at Sound of Music costume sing-alongs, not on lists of insanely delicious items.

Finally, Gabe condemned me for not including Three Musketeers, Milky Way, Mounds, Almond Joy and Nestle Crunch. I'm going to pretend that he didn't suggest Three Muskateers which is a complete joke and potentially the worst candy bar known to mankind. Almond Joy IS Mounds with a single nut in there, and both of them are leftover Halloween candy that are ONLY acceptable to eat a) after all the disgusting Mary Janes given out by old people are gone and b) after I've eaten all the Unicef money. Milky Way is mediocre and makes you feel gross immediately following eating it. The ratio of chocolate to rice krispie is lower in Krackel than it is in Nestle Crunch, and I've already accounted for Krackel in the top ten.

Listen people, if you're going to insult my selections you'd better do your homework first, because frankly I don't have the time to sit around and explain WHY certain things are more delicious than other things, they just ARE so if we can just accept my list and move on that would be great.


Evangel Nicol said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gabe said...

I wholeheartedly agree that Ferrero Rocher, Perugina Baci, and Toblerone shouldn't even enter the discussion. They aren't candy bars. They are things you buy as "souvenirs" for your grandmother when you travel out of the country, have some time to kill at the airport on the way home, and stop in the duty free shop (though not "doody" free, apparently).

However, I cannot in good faith accept your callous rebuke of Three Musketeers. The creamy chocolate center (technically nougat) has soothed me through many times both good and bad, from graduating high school to when I first learned Arrested Development was being canceled.

I implore you to reconsider. For the love of humanity, but also for your own self respect.

The only frog with his own blog said...

this reader wonders if you have ever tried a Butterfinger Crisp?

Not a regular butterfinger that is actually made of condensed butter mixed with poison.. but a butterfinger crisp? most delicious.