Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Wallet Karma

From left to right: dead chipmunk, wallet, Perry

I make no secret of the fact that I believe in astrology, gargoyles, runes, divining rods, Ouijia boards, natal charts, psychics, horoscopes, tarot, spells, seances etc. but one of the most powerful forces out there is wallet karma. When I was in law school, I was in a bar in New York during the summer and my wallet was stolen from my bag on the floor. Losing the contents of the wallet wasn't a giant deal, because I only had like $5 and had like a ridiculous $2,500 limit Capital One credit card in there and losing my license wasn't a huge deal because I knew that if I got another license picture it would turn out amazing due to the fact that I kick shit into high gear for my license pictures. I was mainly bummed out about the wallet itself, which was a velcro camouflage army wallet that I got in 7th grade and had been using ever since. I am EXTREMELY attached to this wallet, to the point where Career Services at my law school recommended I get a nicer looking wallet so that when I pulled it out on interviews and lunches people wouldn't immediately not give me a job because my wallet indicated that I was homeless, but I refused to do so because if people are going to not give me jobs based on the fact that they suspect that I'm homeless, they need to get a life.

Needless to say that I was completely devastated by the loss of my wallet, but about a week after itwas stolen, my parents received a package in the mail with no return address. It turned out to be my wallet, with the $5 cash missing, but everything else in there. This is because if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it was meant to be, if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with. I had used that wallet loyally for 11 years and the wallet knew that and wanted to return home, so it influenced the spirits of the people around it to give it back to me even though they had originally stolen it. So when I found a wallet in the back of a cab this weekend, I returned it, because there's such a thing as wallet karma. You have to return one in order to get yours back. This also applies to cell phones, as I lost mine last year but in law school I once found one and returned it. I'm telling you, this shit works.


subdividedkid said...

This, too, has happened to me-- getting my lost wallet returned to me; however, it was not returned to me directly. It was returned to the Ann Arbor police department which caused a police officer to call my cell phone asking me to call back. I thought I was in trouble with the police, creating wild fantasies of dropping out of school my senior year and running towards the border before I decided to suck it up and call them back.

Happily, the $70 dollars were still in my wallet, all credit cards (even though I cancelled them) were present, every ticket stub, business card from past tricks, and borders and barnes and noble rewards cards appeared as useless as they did before.

This event in my life probably effected how I reacted when finding a brand new digital camera in the back seat of a cab with awkward "before we go out and party" pictures saved on it by your basic nightmare yuppie girls. I returned the camera to the cabbie.

Had I not got my wallet back, though, I wonder how my character would have been shaped.

The M Man said...

That's kind of me like me. Once I hopped in a cab and found a wallet inside. I sneakily opened it up and found 12 one hundred dollar bills.. I took the wallet home and after perusing its contents with the help of some Google searching, I found out the guy was a registered pilot, a CEO of his own company, and a real douche- as he had receipts from a strip club. Needless to say, I kept the cash and after compulsively wiping any fingerprints off the wallet I sent it to his home address. A week later, I had a raincoat stolen, so that must be the karma stuff you're talking about. But no biggie- I bought a new one!