Ma maNot that I watch the Olympics, but I accidentally happened to be in bars when its on, and if someone can explain to me why they even bother having swimming events with Michael Phelps that would be helpful. Seriously, just give him 40 gold medals and call it a day and knock it off with the fake anticipation, like "Will he break this record?" "Will the US prevail?" "Will the iron curtain fall?." He's obviously going to win due to the fact that he is a merman, which Aliza confirmed when he held the door for her once at CVS in Michigan. I don't know if you've seen any of the races he's been in, but it basically makes the other guys look like they trained by eating Hot Pockets filled with lead and then pretended the race was at the Dorney Park lazy river. This brings me to my next question of why didn't anybody notify me that 1910 pantaloon swimsuits came back into fashion for men's swimming.
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He really is a merman. I was at a party with him at Michigan-- and not only could he barely stand on land due to his webbed feet, rubber ankles, and incredibly large ego-filled head, but he talked to me about what he listens to on his ipod just before a swim meet. "My Sharona," "Suck My Kiss" and (get ready for it): "I Get Knocked Down" by Chumbawumba. Needless to say, I excused myself from the conversation with, "Sounds riveting. I think I see my friend."
i actually cannot think about how gorgeous he is or my head will explode into the river
I think he is a robot.
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