Jihad Jane

Waiting for Tarzan

Normally the news bores me to tears, except in the past few weeks there's been an amazing story about some white woman name Colleen LaRose from the Midwest having the usual midlife crises where she converted to Islam, married a random man in some country, joined a chat group and planned a suicide mission. Not sure why she couldn't just wear Kymaro body shapers or take strip aerobics and call it a day like every other middle age woman, but whatever. The best part about this story is that her chat screenname was Jihad Jane, which is literally the most genius screenname I've ever heard of. It's very difficult to come with funny screennames because you're limited in characters and also people have taken all the good ones like Bunions15 or BretMichaelsBand, and to come up with and actually GET a screenname that hilariously and cleverly references G.I. Jane is pure gold. I'm just surprised that no one on the violent Jihad chat site claimed that shit before but I guess these people don't really have a sense of humor. I once worked for a company where I had to clone web pages and the best screennames I could come up with there were "CalvinClone" and "MyLittleClony" which were pretty good but Jihad Jane is far better relatively speaking and someone on the news should at least acknowledge that.

15 Years Younger

Elixir of Youth?

Last week one of my co-workers who sits across from my returned from a business trip to London. Normally the way it works is that every day she wears nice makeup, I get jealous and then casually ask her over office IM what she's wearing and then proceed immediately to Bloomingdales and slavishly buy everything she's wearing. She then asks me what the newest youth inducing miracle cream I'm using is, pretends not to care, immediately orders it online, gets it delivered to the office and then sheepishly is like, "I had no idea that you used this."It's actually fine because the end result is that neither of us can look better than the other. However, when she came back from London I was annoyed because I had been using these 2 damn Renova samples and nobody was noticing that I had literally turned back the clock and found the fountain of youth, I thought I would address the issue head on a few days ago as I was typing away at my desk:

Me: "Notice anything different?"
Co-worker: "No."
Me: "UM, How about the fact that I've been using the Retin-A samples that my dermatologist gave me for three weeks now religiously."
Co-worker: "Ok"
Me: "I literally look 15 years younger. I actually look 15."
Co-worker: "I mean, you do have a certain glow about you."
Me: "That's because I'm pregnant."