Compound Songs

I was in Philadelphia on Sunday, and on the drive back to NYC, I was listening to the radio when L.G. noted how completely ridiculous"compound songs"" were. I think he made up the term, but a compound song is a like one song that includes five other songs for absolutely no reason, like Bohemian Rhapsody, which is done for purposes of bragging by the artist. The idea behind that compound song is that it's supposed to be "epic," and by virtue of this it becomes exceedingly ludicrous. It's basically the singer having some grandiose sense of self that he thinks he can make a sweeping 8 minute rock song into a symphony with movements. The compound song is one level more ridiculous than just bringing in the gratuitous children's choir (Rolling Stones' You Can't Always Get What You Want), the gratuitous gospel choir (Madonna's Like a Prayer, R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly) or the gratuitous orchestra (every song off Guns 'N Roses' Use Your Illusion 1 & 2). Other examples of the compound song include November Rain, Mr. Roboto, and potentially the most absurd and self-aware corniest "sweeping" song ever made, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant. Seriously, these people need to get over themselves, chop the song into 3 songs and stop attempting to be Beethoven.

R. Kelly Acquitted

"Put that body in motion, motion
And watch it wave like an ocean, ocean
Now break it down and worm it, worm it
Now bring it up and shake it, shake it"
- from "Playas Only" by R. Kelly

Friends, glorious news - R. Kelly has just been acquitted of making child pornography. While child pornography is no joke and R. Kelly appears to be 100% guilty, sometimes society needs people more than jail does, and this is certainly true in the case of R. Kelly. Just as I cannot believe in my heart that the man who brought the world "Thriller" and "Beat It" could have molested children, so too can I not believe that "Playas Only" and "I Wish (Remix)" were made by a man who peed on minors. If in fact the Pied Piper of R&B needs to make disgusting tapes in order to produce songs such as "Ignition (Remix)" "Trapped in the Closet: 1-20" and "Step in the Name of Love," that is the price we as a society must pay in order to ensure that our children and our children's children have songs like "I Believe I Can Fly" from Shaquille O'Neal's Space Jam movie.

Apparently when the verdict was read, R. Kelly dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief and hugged each of his four attorneys. If this isn't innocence, frankly I don't know what is.