Monday, November 30, 2009

Let Live and Let Die

Not in my backyard

Um, Perry and I were literally just taking our evening constitutional and we were standing outside of a funeral home that is directly across the street from my apartment which really lifts my spirits in the morning, when these two guys were TAKING A DEAD BODY OUT OF THE BACK OF A CAR. As I'm standing there staring and pretty much shitting my pants, this obese guy with a lazy eye opened the trunk of a HONDA MINIVAN and slid out a dead body covered in a dark gray wool blanket, and then the board that the dead person was on magically turned into a gurney and they just wheeled this person across the sidewalk about 5 feet from me and into the funeral home, as if transporting dead bodies on the streets of NYC within inches of living people was perfectly normal and acceptable behavior for 6:45pm on a Monday.

I was just standing there gaping and then three other people were walking by me and saw what was happening and I said "UMMM" very loudly to try and get them to agree with me that this was absolutely preposterous and naturally they ignored me and kept on walking because dead people come out of the back of hondas and are on the sidewalk ALL THE TIME. Why not just start transporting dead people on the subway during rush hour. I don't know what to say except that while I recognize that I live near a funeral home and I should have suspected these sort of things, apparently every person who has died and used this funeral home in the past two years had the decency to get wheeled in while I was either at work or sleeping or was otherwise disguised in some way so that I didn't know with 100% certainty that in fact there were dead people near my apartment.


G Wolf said...

You're 100% right. Dead people should be transported by Toyotas, not Hondas.

subdividedkid said...

You're like Vada Sultanfus from the movie My Girl. Since you have not come to terms with death yourself, you are off-put or by or oblivious to all the dead things around you.

you should volunteer there. Maybe Perry can volunteer, too -- cheer up mourning folks.