Thursday, August 6, 2009

I Called It: No One Attracted to Jillian After All

But their happiness seemed so REAL

I've been M.I.A. for the past few weeks because I've been tired in the evenings from something called "working" "full-time." "Working" apparently involves getting out of bed very early, going to an office, siting in it for 8 hours and then returning home. In any event - I am returning to blogging LIN regularly, starting now.

Down to business. During The Bachelorette this season, the running theme has been that no one is attracted to Jillian with the guys saying shit like "I usually date blondes" to Jillian's face and exclaiming in confessionals that they're "surprised" in spite of themselves how much they like her. You'll recall that at the beginning of the show, the producers even had Jillian explain to the camera that just because she's unattractive doesn't mean that she's not deserving of love, which is patently false and deeply offensive. Given that they tricked a bunch of attractive men into thinking they were signing up for a show to compete for someone hot, it's not really surprising that Ed was simultaneously dating and sleeping with two other women the entire time and writing text messages about how Jillian's "not his type" to them. I mean, if he was having problems getting it up with her in the Fantasy Suite with rose petals, a thatched roof and while rubbing two gallons of Hawaiian Tropics all over each other, there is a 0% chance that he will be able to get it up in real life. Check out the only interview Jillian and Ed did to address these rumors, where they both twitch, blink a zillion times, fidget and generally act like normal people who have nothing to hide do. It's especially great around the 5 minute mark where Jillian acts indignant and outraged that anyone would care about her private life with Ed, apparently forgetting that she just appeared on a show that focused exclusively on her private life.

In any event, I STRENUOUSLY URGE you to pick up a copy of Us magazine with Ed and Jillian on the cover. It gives a four page timeline of his cheating, before, during and after the show, includes some of his absolutely hilarious texts and emails to these women ("this is the summer of vagina") and these two "humiliated" women further humiliate themselves by talking about their absurdly desperate and slutty behavior. I read aloud the story to Megan while getting a manicure and people around me were like listening in but pretending not to.

3 comments:

subdividedkid said...

welcome back, Robespierre.

I think this is all just media propaganda. Contestants on ANY reality show are not allowed to have cell phones. There is no way he had one. Wouldn't we have heard about other reality stars sending texts? results of shows would be leaked, etc. I think this information from US weekly is suspect. I'll be curious to find out if the hype is for ratings and media sales as opposed to actually true.

But seriously? Ed is gross and ugly-- more power to him if he can swindle extra sex from multiple gullible girls. Jillian should have picked Kiptyn anyway.

Mel said...

hysterical -- i've so missed your blogging!

Christine said...

I'm so glad you're back! Megan did a great job, but I love reading your blog and missed your sense of humor! Keep it up, keep it up, keep it up! At some point you have to be paid and paid well for this. You're the best!