Premature Ejaculation Pill "Coming Soon"

Someone just sent me a link to this article, which describes how Priligy, a pill that cures premature ejactulation, has just received regulatory approvals in Sweden and Finland and may be submitted for regulatory approval in the U.S. This makes perfect sense, because with no cure for breast cancer, AIDS on the loose, Alzheimer's still at large and cervical cancer remaining incurable, it is of the utmost important that premature ejaculation be treated immediately, if not sooner.

Although the article specifies that that way the drug works is by affecting serotonin levels, in layman's terms this means that upon consumption, all thoughts of sexiness are immediately deleted from the patient's mind and are replaced with thoughts of grandparents of having sex, tax audits, baseball and extremely bad breath. This results in erectile dysfunction, which is why the drug must be taken in conjunction with Viagra. In related news, Johnson & Johnson is also working on a pill for women who are completely enraged, insulted and threaten to end the relationship after they discover that their boyfriends/husbands are taking both Viagra and Priligy in order to have normal sex with them.

More Unicorn Horns

This summer I took an abnormal psychology class at Pace University, and as part of the class we had to do a Powerpoint presentation on a varieties of illness. I got stuck with dissociative disorders (like amnesia) and sexual and gender identity disorders. As it turns out, all the shit you thought were medical problems - like erectile dysfunction, sexual pain, etc. are all classified as MENTAL DISORDERS. Alrighty. Based on my research, it appeared that nearly all of the men's disorders were solvable and women with sexual disorders were basically screwed because there was nothing on the market like Viagra or whatever that is proven to help.

This CNN article reiterates that if you're a woman with a sex problem, your options on how to deal with it are limited only by your willingness to throw science to the wind and immediately enter Narnia. As suggested in the article, why not take Cialis or Viagra, or better yet, strap on a testosterone patch and pray that you don't turn into Teen Wolf. If that doesn't work, try medicinal herbs such as ashwagandha, astragalus or panax ginseng purchased from the local side show minstrel, or, if possible, get an enchanted rose that will bloom upon the kiss of true love. And if supplements are ineffective, another way to combat lack of sex drive is to put on a hair shirt, take up the Cross, make a pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela, wash the feet of 10 beggars en route and kiss the forearm bone of St. James once you arrive. Is CNN a joke.