In Memoriam: Pretty Boy (1987-2009)

Today, the East Village lost one of its mascots. Pretty Boy, a white cat who lived at Mikey's Pet Shop, passed away at age 22. Pretty Boy loved hair salons, so every day, he left Mikey's to walk down the sidewalk and visit Salon Seven, about 100 feet away. Before Salon Seven was in existence, Pretty Boy went to the next closest hair salon to the pet store on the block. At Salon Seven, he spent a few hours napping, drinking water and eating turkey and hanging out with the owner, Mark. He would come and go as he pleased, and every Monday when the salon was closed, he made the trip back and forth from the pet store in the hopes that it would open up. Cold temperatures and rain couldn't keep that cat away from Salon Seven and Mark.

Pretty Boy had had some health problems recently, and this past weekend he stopped eating his food. Mikey told me that Pretty Boy wanted to hold on until Tuesday, when Mark returned to the salon, and so he did. He died in Mark's arms at 2pm today. In classic fashion, I completely lost my shit when Mikey told me all this, but had to pull it together for a 3pm interview today. I'm going to miss him terribly. Rest in peace, Pretty Boy. The East Village lost a good friend.

The Dilemma of Highlights

I am seeking natural looking highlights such as these

A few months ago, my normal hair person Saori unfortunately dyed my hair too light, and then I had her dye it back too dark, and this last time I thought she got it just right. Well, pictures from my friend's wedding came back and it looks like I colored my hair with Crayola Goldenrod color. In addition, when I see people who are blonder than me such as Risa I become very jealous. My color is absurdly off, but that may because the last time Saori put highlights in, she only put the medium highlight color in and didn't use the white bleach for the extra blonde pieces that are typically artfully frame my face.

My friend Jen's salon was having a "Recession Special" on cuts and highlights. Jen's hair always looks really nice and Saori's cuts are a little uninspired, so I decided to go to Jen's place to get my hair cut. I actually got a really nice cut, but every time I walk into Saori's salon, which is nearly every day because Perry gets a cookie in there, I have to put my hair back in a pony tail or put a hoodie over my head so she can't see that I've cheated on her and gotten a haircut elsewhere. Actually I think she is on to me because she's been acting more distant but obviously I can't ask her what's wrong because I don't want to have a confrontation about this.

In any event, unfortunately I did not think this haircutting betrayal through all the way, because the time has come for me to get highlights, and if I get them from Saori, she'll see that my hair has been cut by someone else. But if I get it from Jen's salon, Saori will see that my hair is lighter the next time I walk into the salon with Perry. If this were winter, it wouldn't be a problem because I could just wear a hat and hide the highlights, but what the hell am I supposed to do now? Don't say purchase a bandana and channel Bret Michaels, because I've already thought of that, and I think wearing a bandana for no reason would only call attention to my head. Any advice?

Hair Disaster

Why can't salons get it right, seeing as it's their JOB

Two days ago, I rolled into my salon for my tri-monthly highlight-lowlight session and haircutting extravaganza. I'm EXTREMELY PICKY about how my hair looks, both in cut and color, mainly because I'm just being honest with myself in that I'm not Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta and can't just shave my head and still look shamazing. If for some reason I ever lost my hair or had to have it cut short I would actually look like a pan-faced monster. What I'm basically saying is that I hide behind my hair and use it as a smoke and mirrors distraction to trick people into thinking I'm better looking than I am. This is why, if I get a bad hair cut or color, I pretty much lose my shit and my self-confidence crumbles like a drunk game of Jenga. I've been to the same colorist for about 4 years now, and she's gotten it right every single time - not too blonde, not too brown - just the perfect shade of $350. That is, until this time.

As I got in the chair, I said "do what we did last time" which was the same as the time before and the time before, and after she foils it up and then takes them out and is combing through it, I realize the roots look redder and lighter than usual. Stay calm, I say to myself, it's wet hair and these things change when you blow dry them. So the colorist blowdries it and it's hard to tell in the salon light, but it seemed ever so slightly too blonde. She then takes a half inch off my hair which is I say is ok to do, and then when it's done I determine that that was a tragic mistake and that this hair sessions has effectively transformed me from supermodel to hideous troll in three hours. I have a strict policy against crying in salons, so I paid for my shit, walked 15 steps to my apartment and promptly sobbed into my pillow, asking Perry if he thought it was too blonde and begging god to just end it all. Later that night somebody confirmed that it was slightly blonder than usual, but "not in a bad way" which any fool knows is code for "in a bad way."

So this morning I mustered up my courage to go back to the salon and ask in the most calm and non-offensive tone I could muster if she wouldn't mind? Putting some lowlights in? Because it might be a little? Too blonde? The colorist was really nice and put in a few lowlights, and as she's blowing my hair dry I realize that my hair is now waaaaayy too dark, to the point where I might actually not technically be a blonde in terms of online dating profiles or whatever. So I went home and cried over this as well, but I feel like I can't go back because then it looks like I'm pulling an insane Goldilocks. And this is not in my mind because Risa said it was darker than usual. I feel without my normal hair color all my powers are lost. This is very serious and I actually don't know what to do.