Friday, January 9, 2009

Hair Disaster

Why can't salons get it right, seeing as it's their JOB

Two days ago, I rolled into my salon for my tri-monthly highlight-lowlight session and haircutting extravaganza. I'm EXTREMELY PICKY about how my hair looks, both in cut and color, mainly because I'm just being honest with myself in that I'm not Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta and can't just shave my head and still look shamazing. If for some reason I ever lost my hair or had to have it cut short I would actually look like a pan-faced monster. What I'm basically saying is that I hide behind my hair and use it as a smoke and mirrors distraction to trick people into thinking I'm better looking than I am. This is why, if I get a bad hair cut or color, I pretty much lose my shit and my self-confidence crumbles like a drunk game of Jenga. I've been to the same colorist for about 4 years now, and she's gotten it right every single time - not too blonde, not too brown - just the perfect shade of $350. That is, until this time.

As I got in the chair, I said "do what we did last time" which was the same as the time before and the time before, and after she foils it up and then takes them out and is combing through it, I realize the roots look redder and lighter than usual. Stay calm, I say to myself, it's wet hair and these things change when you blow dry them. So the colorist blowdries it and it's hard to tell in the salon light, but it seemed ever so slightly too blonde. She then takes a half inch off my hair which is I say is ok to do, and then when it's done I determine that that was a tragic mistake and that this hair sessions has effectively transformed me from supermodel to hideous troll in three hours. I have a strict policy against crying in salons, so I paid for my shit, walked 15 steps to my apartment and promptly sobbed into my pillow, asking Perry if he thought it was too blonde and begging god to just end it all. Later that night somebody confirmed that it was slightly blonder than usual, but "not in a bad way" which any fool knows is code for "in a bad way."

So this morning I mustered up my courage to go back to the salon and ask in the most calm and non-offensive tone I could muster if she wouldn't mind? Putting some lowlights in? Because it might be a little? Too blonde? The colorist was really nice and put in a few lowlights, and as she's blowing my hair dry I realize that my hair is now waaaaayy too dark, to the point where I might actually not technically be a blonde in terms of online dating profiles or whatever. So I went home and cried over this as well, but I feel like I can't go back because then it looks like I'm pulling an insane Goldilocks. And this is not in my mind because Risa said it was darker than usual. I feel without my normal hair color all my powers are lost. This is very serious and I actually don't know what to do.


The only frog with his own blog said...

Why not post the photo and let us be the judge... I mean, if people can't revel in others' bad choices on the internet, then the only purpose for the internet is porn. (and apparently shoe shopping from what you tell me)

Seeking said...

I say, go back. Seriously. First of all, it is their fault that they messed up your hair shade in the first place. They should have gotten it right to start off with. Second, if they are interested in having you come back ever, as a repeat customr, they should do whatever they can to make sure you are happy - or at least be past the point where you feel you need to wear a paper bag over your head everytime you go out in public.

Third, don't worry - it's just hair. It'll grow back, etc. I actually know it's really tough - I got a disastrous $150 haircut and have to wait for it to grow back but short of wearing a baseball cap or straw hat everyday, what can you do? It totally sucks though b/c now I feel like I should just never get a haircut ever b/c I always end up regretting that I got it and wish I had just left it alone. Oh well. It's just hair. It'll grow back. That's what I keep telling myself.

subdividedkid said...

you have to go back. it's their job. it's their reputation. And all the stylists I know (which are a few) say that they'd rather know the truth right away. the longer you wait, the more shady you seem.

I'll bet you look terrible! GOD! GET IT FIXED!

Jengwei said...

You are like Samson, and all of your powers are now drained. You need to re-pay Delilah a visit.

Seeking said...

when you go back, take an old photo - any over the past 4 years - with the exact shade of blonde and tell them you will keep coming back until they get it right!

Jenna said...

Seeking, I have to disagree. Its certainly NOT JUST hair. And contrary to popular belief, it does not grow back. Well, it does, but at an agonizingly slow pace characterized by awkward two-toned-ness.

Feel better, Marin.

G Wolf said...

First of all, I agree with the Frog -- we'll need a picture to be sure.

Secondly, perhaps it's not really your hair that's the problem. Perhaps you're having a problem with your eyes, and they're slowly losing the ability to distinguish color properly? This might be a sign of more serious illness. Obviously, the only logical thing is to seek medical attention immediately. Best of luck to you.