Pardon the Interruption

Last night, I was minding my own business watching the The Biggest Loser on my couch, when all of a sudden my regular programming was interrupted by some random speech Obama was giving to Congress. WHAT?!? Is that some sort of joke? Fine, I could understand if this was some sort of emergency speech where we were declaring war or he was announcing that the recession was over and I would now be eligible for a job, but this was just some stupid speech about how we live in a great country and it's going through a recession and we need to be strong and band together and do another ambiguous things that may or may not result in me getting a job.

As a result of this, only the first hour of The Biggest Loser aired. That means I did not get to see their "last chance workout" or their weigh-ins or the elimination ceremony, all of which will be airing next week in a one hour "encore" show, as opposed to the normal two hours show. Let me break this down for you - that means that because of this speech I am getting screwed out of a full TWO HOURS of tv that I otherwise would have watched. I know Obama talked about how Americans would have to make some sacrifices in this economy, but cutting my shows is simply crossing the line. If this continues to be a problem, I will take back my vote for Obama and give it to someone else and let me assure you, you do not want that to happen.

Bark Obama

Change You Can Pee In

Beauty School Dropout

So this morning, Milan checked the news and announced that McCain had picked his Vice President running mate, Sarah Palin, and that she was a staunch pro-lifer but more importantly a beauty queen. Further research on my part revealed that she was Miss Wasilla (her hometown) and in fact merely competed, but did not place, in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. This is essentially the equivalent of me saying that I am a runner-up for America's Next Top Model contest, because I threatened to apply when Megan dared me to and I said I would and I STILL PLAN TO FYI. At this point I would just like to say that I might CONSIDER voting for her if she had won the Miss Alaska contest because I agree with the idea of beauty queens in office, but the fact that she is publicly and embarrassingly announcing that she basically failed to even win the lame state of Alaska where Perry could have both his legs shot off AND win the contest is frankly humiliating and if this is the best looking candidate possible there are serious problems.

Bedlington Terriers Once Again Insulted

"A graceful, lithe, well-balanced dog with no sign of coarseness, weakness or shelliness."
- AKC bigoted standard

Apparently Barack Obama's kids have been pestering him for a dog, and whether or not he becomes President he promised to get them one which I fully support due to the fact that dogs rule. The American Kennel Club got wind of this and also the fact that Obama's kids have allergies, so they took the liberty of handselecting a few breeds of hypoallergenic dogs for America to vote on to be Obama's Next Top Dog. The AKC has given America the choice of a poodle, a bichon, a mini schnauzer, a wheaten, and a monstrous chinese crested. Where is the hypoallergenic Bedlington terrier you ask? Um, how about NOWHERE, because the AKC hates Bedlingtons and has been trying to destroy them for some time now as evidenced by this contest and by the fact that they insulted them in 2007 when they published the most popular breeds list based on AKC registrations and ranked Bedlingtons 129 out of 157 which is a damned lie because I personally know at least 4 other people who own them.

In fact, if you click on the link that the AKC provides to other Obama breeds that are hypoallergenic, the Bedlington is the first one in the pack, and is alphabetically before bichon which means that some jerk at the AKC looked over the list, saw the Bedlington, thought for some outrageous and delusional reason that it was not good enough and then selected the bichon because it was obviously superior. Is this a fucking joke? I'll tell you what's a joke - when I registered Perry with the AKC for bragging rights, you get to pick the dog's official name, so I picked Lamb's End's Agnus Dei after the kennel that he came from (Lamb's End) and Agnus Dei meaning "lamb of god." So as I'm telling everyone I know about Perry's jeanius official name that I had thought of myself, I get his registration in the mail and the name on the certificate is Lamb's End's ANGUS Dei, which loosely translates to "steak of god" thereby humiliating both me and Perry to a very high degree, and when I called them up to change the registration they said that would be $45 extra and I told them that while I was VERY rich I wasn't about to pay $45 to CHANGE Perry's registration because of THEIR screw up and they would just have to get comfortable with the fact that they ruined both my life and Perry's life and that Perry would look like a fool when other dogs asked him his name and be the laughing stock of the entire dog run.

Vote or Die

So the Elevator Captive Network yesterday had something about how Hillary and Obama are encouraging people everywhere to get out and vote. A few years ago, Diddy told me to either vote or die. My main question is, while it's all great to tell everyone to vote, they always forget to tell you how in the hell you register to do the actual voting. I would be 100% happy to start voting if someone could tell me: a) how to register b) when the elections are, c) where I'm supposed to go to do this "voting," d) that I didn't have to use a vacation day in order to do this shit.

I mean, every election I feel like all the political people on CNN talk about how little of the population turns out and they always blame it on apathy, tv, the internet or junk food and somehow no one ever thinks it's because registering to vote involves knowing people that know about these things who also remind you about this and tell you exactly how to do it. It's like when they made people take literacy tests in order to vote, these days it's actually worse because you have to have at least a PhD to figure this shit out. Trust me, I have a pretty shamazing education from very exceedingly high caliber schools, and if I don't know how to vote I'm pretty confident no one does.

I think the last time I voted was for school treasurer in 5th grade, against the popular kid and for the Russian immigrant Dima who didn't have a chance but I wanted to encourage the American Dream. Let me also just say I don't really care about voting in the primaries because I took an online quiz to see who I should vote for because I obviously don't have time to read up on what candidates stand for, and it told me Dennis Kucinich, but then someone told me he was out of the race so now there would be no point.