Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Comprehensive Beauty Analysis of The Real Housewives of NJ

(from left to right: Jacqueline, Teresa, Danielle, Dina, Caroline)
Jacqueline needs to get out of here with that garish DVF wrap dress with a camisole underneath

Official analysis taken from a Gchat with Megan, June 16, 2009 8:14pm
: what i can't wait to watch, though
is real housewives of NJ finale
i'm dying
in anticipation
don't tell me anything
you whore
me: they're such pieces of trash
that's all i'll say
megan: haha
that's not news
by any means
why do you think Dina is an ugly monster?
I think she's the prettiest of all of them
me: I think she looks like she's got a chlorine allergy
I think she looks menacing
like she doesn't have kind eyes
her eyes are sunken
she has horse teeth
5:13 PM and her implants are circus size
megan: I think she's pretty
who do you think is attractive
me: Teresa has no forehead, that's clear
megan: Danielle is legitmately a freak
me: Danielle's facelift is outrageous
megan: she is botoxed and restalyned within an inch of her fucking life'
her daughters
look exactly like each other
5:14 PM telltale sign
me: Caroline looks like a man
megan: Jacqueline
is a fucking mess
me: I don't think Jacqueline is bad looking
megan: She looks like a rodent
me: I admire her nosejob
megan: oh god
get out of here
me: her implants need to be sized down three sizes
everyone went way too big
maybe it's a cultural thing
i mean, i GUESSDina is the best looking one
megan: thank you
me: but that's not saying anything
megan: that's all I'm saying really
i am not saying i want to look just like her
me: no, you said she was pretty
megan: but she is definitely the most attractive
i do think she's pretty
but i guess
i'm speaking comparatively
the rest of the women
my eyes hurt to look at them
me: and i think she looks like her french chateau taste
5:16 PM megan: and they think they're so awesome looking
teresa's body is good though
small boobs and all
i saw the BEGINNING of the finale
where she's prancing around that ridiculous house
me: what are you talking about?! teresa has a flat stomach
megan: in short shorts
her body's nice
me: but she has really thick legs
get out of here
megan: i like the way she's built
but her taste in sinks and banisters
she should be shot
me: all of their taste stink
it's so faux upscale
like NJ french manors
5:17 PM they've never BEEN to France
megan: hideous
can you please
using LIN
only as a promotional tool
and go back
to actually blogging on there
me: well actually i was going to post
THIS conversation
megan: oh
feel free
me: will do


Mike said...

I did my best to get as far through that conversation as I could... I didn't make it to 5:14.

rachsky said...

I would have LOVED to be involved in this convo, so I will put in my two sense in now. However, I first have to put a disclaimer that I usually don't judge people's beauty but since they signed contracts to put themselves on TV I find it totally acceptable.

1) I thought Dina was pretty as well, until they had the fundraiser episode and another one of the sisters was there who was a cross between Dina and Caroline, and ruined Dina for me, because every time I see her I think of Caroline.

2) I thought Jacqueline was pretty as well, but I think that's because she's the nicest and I often confuse nice and pretty.

3) Megan, thank you for bringing up how Danielle's children look nothing like her, because I was thinking the same thing, but had no clue that was the telltale sign of botox. One the same note, how did Dina's daughter come out of her? She looks nothing like Dina, and is a truly unfortunate soul.

4) I hate to say it, but this show did nothing for New Jersey.

5) Ultimately, the only person I can consider pretty from that show is Teresa's daughter Gia.

rachsky said...

Also, can we talk about the photoshop work on caroline in the above picture? Ridiculous.

G Wolf said...

so you're sure you're not a lesbian? I mean, really really sure?