Thursday, June 18, 2009

I've Become Obsolete

Louboutin ampitheatre OF DESPAIR

Megan recently called my attention to the above picture posted on The Purse Forum (TPF). For those of you just joining us, TPF is a place where women can go online and salivate over pictures of shoes and bags and brag about their own purchases. The above picture shows 26 pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes, all owned by someone named "Lawgirl78" located in New York, NY. Note three pairs of burgundy shoes (peep toe, sling back and regular pump), five pairs of nude shoes, six pairs of black shoes and two animal pattern shoes, along with two "shoeties" and one pair of black boots.

After punching myself in the face and bashing myself over the head with a wine bottle, I studied this picture for about twenty minutes struggling to find fault with any of the shoes, looking for signs that they were knock offs or purchased on ebay, or scuffed or ANYTHING that would make me feel better about my own shoe collection, and when I could not, I then considered lighting my closet on fire. What the hell is the point in me having three measley pairs of beat up Louboutins from ebay when "Lawgirl78" who APPEARS TO BE A LAWYER is apparently stealing my life and walking around town with 26 goddamn pairs of pristine Louboutins that should rightfully be in my closet? I have spent the greater part of my adult life watching ebay auctions, saving scheming and setting my Hammersnipe to amass a collection of Miu Mius, Marc Jacobs and the occasional Louboutins, but apparently I have been wasting my time because her collection makes it look like I've been collecting Rocket Dogs or Jessica by Jessica Simpson shoes. It enrages me when other people try to make me obsolete and someone will have to pay for this. The only thing we can hope for at this most desperate time is that Lawgirl78 has a hideous face and a monstrous body. Amen.


lawrence said...

for non-millionaires and celebrities, there is a well-known inverse relationship between size of louboutin collection and weight of the owner. I would bet these shoes are also a size 10.

(Probably "normal" that i choose to comment on this post but, unfortunately, a recent relationship afforded me a two-year certificate in women's shoes, with a concentration in Louboutins)

rachsky said...

Umm, how can you be defeated by a lawyer who goes by the name "lawgirl"? We are not 12 years old anoymore and this is not aol, her lack of creativity and personality can allow her to have all the shoes in the world, and she still couldn't hold a candle to you.

In a similar story however, I tried to photograph all my louboutins for his signing, and then was completely embarrassed because I have 10 pairs and thought my coworkers would call "intervention" on me as i have a bit of a shopping habit, but when I got to work with a picture of my cat in a Louboutin box, another coworker brought her photograph of all her Loubs, and she had 75 pairs. All amazing and in perfect condition. Moral of my story- tell lawgirl to suck it.