Friday, May 8, 2009

KY "Intense"

A reader of this blog recently brought to my attention the sheer lunacy of the KY "Intense" commercials with uptight couples talking about the product and then fast forwarding to apres sex, as they lay "stunned" and speechless in bed by the power of this lubricant. I have never tried KY Intense (GROSS), but it seems to me that KY did itself a disservice by putting Intense on the market. If Intense is the most powerful KY lubricant out there, it makes all their other products obsolete because who's going to waste their time on KY Warming Liquid or 2-1 Tingling lubricant when neither of those sensations guarantee Intensity. It also completely eliminates the need for their other new product, KY Intrigue, because nobody wants to slather Intrigue on their crotches and be forced to solve a murder mystery. Of course there's theoretically argument that you don't want to have "intense" sex every time, sometimes you want to have boring KY Personal Lubricant sex, but that argument contemplates that everyone has a limitless amount of money to buy 90 types of different lubricant for the type of sex that they want to have and also doesn't mind the embarrassment of storing a warehouse of lotions and gelees (HAHAHA) in their sock drawer. I once found two lubricants in an ex-boyfriend's bedside table and it nearly ruined our relationship because what kind of pervert has two lubricants.

This also brings up the KY Yours + Mine issue, which is a set of his and hers lubricants which people are supposed to rub on their personal crotches and then when the crotches meet the completely different chemical makeup of the two lubricants come together and an atomic bomb goes off on your Wamsutta sheets. My initial question regarding this product was if the two products are separately ineffective, but together outrageously unbelievable, why not just cut out the middle man, go to Target and get an empty spray bottle and pour them both in, but it appears that someone at KY realized that people would be stirring up their own concoctions so they came out with KY Intense.

P.S. KY Intrigue says it can be used for an "intimate shower." HAHAHA


subdividedkid said...

This post is offensive, pornographic, and smutty.


Seeking said...

Don't do it! You are so much more than your nose!!! Seriously. You rock. Believe it. You don't need it. Also, don't put yourself in danger -- the last guy you had could have killed you. Value of life is greater than having a perfect nose on a corpse.

G Wolf said...

Don't you get it? This is all just a ploy for their eventual planned release of "KY Nonchalant" in hopes of capturing that elusive, perenially-disillusioned, Gen X market.