Behold, the Holy Grail of Dresses

Perry, dumbstruck

The Trail of Tears began on November 4, 2007, when my friend Jen wore a Laila Azhar dress to her birthday party that drove me insane with jealousy. The dress was perfect in every conceivable way. It was black, strapless, cinched at the waist, and in a normal cotton sheen material and not some hideous cheap silk material like a Zum Zum prom dress or other embarrassing things that woefully misguided women wear to "cocktail" affairs. She got it at Barneys and said she paid like $480 for it, which, although I was employed at the time, seemed like a king's ransom for some reason, so I did what I usually do, which was add it to my online shopping bag every day on the Barneys website but never buy it so that at least other people can't have it. And then one day I tried to add it to my shopping bag again, but someone had apparently bought the last one in my size while I was sleeping.

For a year and a half, I have Googled Laila Azhar about 400 times but it seems that the dress has disappaered. I've run countless eBay searches and considered buying it in a size 8 which was once posted on eBay, but the seller never messaged me back when I asked if he or she thought it could be tailored. I even considered ordering it for "yen" on some shady Japanese website the one time it came up on like page 3 of the Google hits. When I had to buy a dress for a wedding in March, I bought a hammered silk high class escort dress that looked like an anus, because if I couldn't have the Laila Azhar, there was no point in even trying. I often talked about the dress with friends, who advised me to "get a grip" and "move on." But like Scott Peterson on death row who heroically has never given up the search for Lacy's real killer, I never gave up the dream of obtaining this dress.

Last week, feeling flush with cash from a $115 freelance check that arrived in the mail, I randomly went to Bluefly.com, which I never go to because who goes there anymore. They had a new tab called "emerging designers" and I scrolled down to see Laila Azhar was listed among them. I clicked on it and like a phoeniz risen from the ashes, MY BLACK DRESS WAS THERE AND IN MY SIZE. My year and a half of hoping and waiting had paid off and as I ordered it at 2am online, I sat at my computer crying and wondering if there really was a god because first there was Oprah, then my wallet came back to me (FOR THE SECOND TIME) and now there was this dress. I've said it once and and I'll say it again: if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with.