Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Obese People Justly Punished by Airlines
Glorious news- United Airlines has just announced that it will now charge obese passengers for second seats if thin people complain that the obese person's fat is overflowing into their seat. This policy brings United into line with Delta and Southwest, who have been forcing obese people to pay the piper for being fat for years. Apparently the way it works is, if the flight is full, the obese person will have to pay for a second seat. Not sure how this solves the problem, because if the flight is full that means that there AREN'T any open seats, so the thin person still has to suffer, and United just makes twice the profit. If the flight is not full, the obese person will be moved to two open seats and will not be charged for the second seat. The litmus test for whether a person is fat enough to qualify for this type of public humiliation is whether the armrest can be moved up and down without bumping into the person's fat, and whether the person could buckle themselves up with a seatbelt AND ONE EXTENSION BELT. HAHAHAHAH. Extension belts.
Seriously, can you imagine this situation, like being a plane with someone who is borderline obese next to you and then you call the flight attendant over to perform the obesity test on them, and then it turns out that they can fit in the seat with the extension belt so that they don't qualify as obese? Are you just supposed to spend the rest of the flight sitting next to the person you just embarrassed, looking directly forward not making eye contact. I guess the point is, if you call the flight attendant over you better be 110% sure that the person will qualify as obese because otherwise it could potentially be the most uncomfortable and awkward flight of your life.