Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hysterical at the Movies

Forget it

A few days ago, Aliza gchatted me that she was going to see Wall-E and I told her to prepare for no dialogue and to bring tissues because I was a mess when I saw it. Unfortunately, my sisters and I inherited a gene from our mother where we can't cry or show emotions in real life, but put us in front of tv or a movie screen that has anything remotely sentimental such as animals, animal death or rescue, or cornbag love stories or involves swelling violins or instruments of any kind and it's hysterics city. Um, let's put it this way - I spent half of The Dark Knight sobbing uncontrollably and people laughed and pointed at me during the movie thinking I didn't see that shit and then the lights come up at the end and I had mascara all over my chin and it looked like someone had bashed me in the face with a frying pan. Just to give you an idea of how bad the situation is, below I list the movies at which I've cried and a description of the meltdown:

1. Armageddon - (seen while on date in high school) - cried 7 times
2. Stepmom - 124 minutes, entire running time of movie
3. Sex and the City - cried 7 times
4 The Patriot - cried at death of all secondary characters
5. Tuner & Hooch - forget it
6. I Am Sam - unable to stop crying 15 minutes following end of movie
7. Phenomenon - don't even start with me
8. Homeward Bound - unable to collect myself
9. Any movie in which they animals die or get hurt - Bambi, Old Yeller, Charlotte's Web - can't discuss it
10. Dying Young - cried during opening credits

This also applies to books as well, with the most ridiculous example being that when I had my nosejob, my mom gave me Tuesdays with Morrie to read and cried so hysterically that I soaked the bandages on my face and had to have them reapplied while my mom pressed frozen peas against my head to reduce the swelling.

9 comments:

Jennifer said...

My mom, my brother and I cannot get through Dumbo without complete collapse. I feel your pain.

rachsky said...

i cried sooo much in Bambi that I had to leave the theater and have yet to watch the end of the movie.

I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one crying during sex and the city.

Jengwei said...

My friend cried 7 times during Mulan.

Also, emotional-detachment much?!???? Go straight to therapist, do not pass GO.

Liza said...

um what about "Beaches"? I know the cat lived but it was still really sad.

also, I am going to see the Dark Knight tonight, thanks for the heads up! I packed an extra packet of tissues.

megan said...

beaches FUCKING KILLS ME, every time! probably my number one crying fest.

WTFHappenedToMyCity said...

I cried at the end of Dances With Wolves when they shot the wolf. And I cry a lot during Steel Magnolias. Its sad when Truvy dies and little Jackson doesn't have a momma no mo.

Liza said...

Malcha - just got back from Dark Knight. I brought extra tissues, but I'm not really sure why.

Megan - you rule.

Jennifer said...

Oh my, I start crying in the opening credits of "Steel Magnolias" and continue unabated straight through to the scene when Jackson smacks Weezer in the face.

Jennifer Wilson said...

What about E.T.?