Monday, October 20, 2008

Crisis at the Penny Arcade

My new look

Today I was standing in a Commerce Bank wearing black spandex, a green Old Navy hoodie, a brown puffy coat and sunglasses pouring mounds of coins from a Mango bag into the Penny Arcade and salivating as the machine kept on counting. Perry was standing next to me wearing his hooded fur coat eating a free treat that they give away to dogs at Commerce. I then took my receipt up to the front, cashed it $134, deposited a check from December 2007 for $75 that a co-worker had given to me to pitch in for our secretary's Christmas present from last year that I had completely forgotten about but that the Oprah people had unearthed, and asked the teller why Commerce was letting Capital One steal all their old locations in New York and only keeping their extremely inconvenient locations open and also why they charged me $40 to get new checks to pay other people with from the bank where my money already is.

As I walked out of there, for a brief moment, I saw myself as others (potentially) see me: unemployed, wearing mismatched exercise clothing, cashing checks from 10 years ago, scrounging around for change like some bag lady, walking with a bizarre and perfectly groomed dog in a coat, asking rhetorical questions about bank closures and most importantly acting as if this was all completely normal.

I'm just writing this to let you know that I realize that none of the above is in any way acceptable and now that I finally recognize this I will make the necessary changes or, if easier, just proceed with my back up plan which involves going directly to Bellevue and recommending to the staff that I be institutionalized with no possibility of release.

1 comment:

Gabe said...

Hey it could be worse...you could have Tara Reid's boob job.