Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ferdinand Magellan


So I went home for the past two days for Rosh Hashana, primarily because I don't have a job, and when I'm home sometimes I need to drive places, like the mall or the train station. Unfortunately, when I was growing up I never took note of street or highway names, I just memorized the way to go and winged it. Much like the time when I refused to learn fractions in elementary school, the winging it has backfired and I am unable not only to give directions, but to follow directions when they're given to me in street names. Sadly, this affliction also affects both of my sisters, so when I picked Aliza from the train station yesterday and then had to go pick up my grandmother, we sat in the car for literally five minutes at the train trying to give each other an accurate description of the way to go:

"Drive like you're going to Millburn high school and then keep going until you hit J. P. Lee's."
"Not J.P. Lee's, there another block after that I think - the one with the Runner's Shoes store with the 70s lettering."
"Whatever - just make the right turn at that corny furniture store on the near corner and go past Taylor Park and then make like you're going to Aunt Nikki's old house and then you'll see the turn off for Nana's house."

Other examples of this include getting to route 280 East, "Drive like you're going to King's," the NJ turnpike, "Go past the Turtle Back Zoo and keep on going past Joseph Wildman's new oncology office until you get to that rinky dink street, Whiteham or Whitehall or Whitchsam - you know what I'm talking about," and the Garden State Parkway South - "Go past the funeral home up that weird road and you'll see signs." I would say that the directions situation is pretty much getting out of hand and that this can't go on for much longer, mainly because it embarrasses me in front of people to act like everything is a treasure map and need landmarks like giant Xs and oak trees to get anywhere.

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