Alarming New Brand at Shopbop

WHAT

So as I was drooling looking at all the items at Shopbop that are 30% off today but yet still out of my price range now that I am "unemployed," I came across a new alarming brand of Civil War/Troubador boots called Golden Goose. The brand is called Golden Goose not just because people in Grimm's Fairy Tales wore them but also because you have to OWN a Golden Goose in order to afford them. That's right, Shopbop is charging A MINIMUM OF $1,080 for a pair of these already been worn scuffed up boots from the Battle of Tippecanoe. While this is moderately alarming, it in no way compares to the above pictured FOOT BOOT for people with one inch calves who wish to look like they bought normal sized boots, put them in a Shrinky Dink oven and then apprenticed at a dude ranch in the 1930s, all for the reasonable price of $1,220. Is Shopbop joking me? Is Golden Goose joking me? Foot boots? FOOT BOOTS? I can't go on.