Monday, November 3, 2008
DeAnna Pappas Calls Off Engagement, VICTORY IS MINE
BREAKING NEWS - My wildest dreams have come true - Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas called off her engagement with snowboarder Jesse Czsnzizikick. This is the most glorious day in recent memory. I have been chronicling my jealousy and absolute rage at this wedding, and finally Jesse will be rid of that beast and free to contact me immediately. This just goes to show that it doesn't matter if ABC gives you a new wardrobe, a personal trainer and lip injections for your own show, you can NEVER stop going to the gym or stop being on top of that shit because one must at all times look amazing because engagements get called off and people get divorced, and I just want to pledge to Jesse that I am willing to purchase the 48 pack of personal training sessions at Equinox as a sign of my commitment to our future.
P.S. If she gets ANOTHER Bachelorette show, I will promptly retire from life on an indefinite basis.