Sunday, November 2, 2008

Popcorn on the Train


Last Thursday I was on the rush hour train to Montclair, NJ to see the Counting Crows - SEE, I DIDN'T EVEN BLOG ABOUT IT LAST WEEK. I obviously made it onto the train with 1 minute to spare so I was standing between cars with a bunch of people sweating and furious that I am always late for things and always running around and getting sweaty and agitated. As I was trying to calm myself down from killing someone, this fat couple in belted leather coats next to me whip out this olde tyme circus popcorn in those white boxes with the red vertical stripes that says crap like "pop corn" and "hot, crisp, delicious." This is not Pop Secret Lite, this is the kind of bright yellow popcorn that you get in a giant bag if you buy a new car and is rubbery, gross and under no circumstances delicious.

Anyway, so these people are clutching their boxes of popcorn and cramming it into their faces, with half of the kernels falling onto the floor and then greedily washing it down with Coke Zero (HAHA) which the guy then handed to the woman who replaced it into her ludicrously fake Louis Vuitton bag on the floor. Apart from this completely unacceptable scene, the stench from the popcorn was overpowering and infiltrated the air for the entire train ride. It was basically the equivalent of these people slathering themselves in tuna and acting like they weren't ruining everybody's air. I mean, if you're going to open popcorn or salami on a closed train, why not just grab a fan and blow farts directly in my face. In any event, my anger increased to the point of no return and so I attempted to exact my revenge by saying to the person next to me, "Smells like the Big Apple Circus in here," which the person unfortunately pretended not to hear, thereby making me look like a fool in front of the fat couple who continued to eat their popcorn, the latter of which scenario is not acceptable in any way.

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