Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Called It: Stephanie from The Bachelor Will Be Next Bachelorettte

It has become painfully obvious from all the screen time lavished on Stephanie the bizarro Southern woman in clown makeup who insists upon wearing Britney Spears' wardrobe from 2000 including but not limited to, white fur vests and spangled shirts, will be EITHER the next Bachelorette OR will have her own Bachelorette-spinoff show. I present to the court the overwhelming evidence for this inevitable conclusion:

1. Her sob story of her husband dying 4 years ago, with the tag line "daddy took a flight to heaven" has been repeated at LEAST 8 times.
2. Now that they've had single dad Jason on there bragging about Ty, they realize that kids make good conversation filler and Stephanie has nothing to talk about besides being a widow, which is more than slightly ridiculous because I thought we all agreed that the word "widow" should only be used by Agatha Christie and other turn of the century mystery writers.
3. She already has breast implants which are mandatory for the show and therefore will not need to undergo additional breast surgery
4. When Jason eliminated Stephanie, he made a ridiculous speech in which he cried and declared Stephanie to be "the most fantastic person" he's ever met - so fantastic, in fact, that he could not even stand to date and or marry her due to her overwhelming amazingness. The camera did not show that he was crying because there was a producer standing directly behind him with a gun.

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