Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Facebook Cover Ups

Today Risa Gchatted me that this girl that we both know appeared to have ended her engagement on Facebook. A quick review of her profile revealed that she had enacted what is arguably the oldest trick in the book - which is that the engagement was obviously broken off weeks ago, but the status change was only today. What happens is that when people break off their relationships or engagements, they then "reach out" to all their random acquaintances on Facebook, start writing on peoples' walls like it's going out of style saying absurd things like "hey! we should get together this weekend!" in order to fill up their mini-feeds with loads of "friends" and ridiculous correspondence. They also make sure to bring their camera to every social function they go to and take "hilarious" pictures of themselves having an AMAZING TIME, living and LOVING THE SINGLE LIFE!!!!! That way, when they announce to the Facebook world that they are broken up and buzzards like myself immediately click on their profile in the hopes of seeing pictures of them crying or depressing U2 quotes or condolence wall posts from friends and then snickering to myself, we are supposed to be confronted with the copious mini-feeds and absurd "happy single gal" pics and pretend that it's completely normal and in no way overcompensating.

Like if I was engaged and then we broke up and then the next day his wall was filled with pictures of him in a sombrero and hundreds of wall posts saying "hey man, good seeing you last night," it would be so unbelievably corny that I would probably call him up and then break off the engagement AGAIN because I would not be able to marry anyone who resorted to such lame and obvious Facebook strategies.

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