Sunday, February 22, 2009

Follow Up to Chin Deprunization Email

Click on picture to reveal full horror of the prune

As threatened, I responded to the Craigslist posting which advertised help for troubled chins. And because my email came from the heart, they got back to me. Turns out, it's The Rachael Ray Show, and they're casting for a segment called "I Can't Stand My..." Below, for your enjoyment, I cut and paste my back and forth with the show, beginning with my original reply to the ad. I am still awaiting confirmation that the pics I sent are sufficiently bad as to merit a place on the show.


Hello -

My friend sent me your craigslist ad looking for people who despise their chins. It is a well known fact among those who know me that I have struggled with my hideous chin nearly all my life. When I smile or talk, my normal-seeming chin wrinkles bizarrely and contorts into a an uneven, pointy prune.

When I was in elementary school, I cracked open my chin. The muscle fell out of it and so when they were sewing it back up, they tucked the muscle back in. But the muscle has contorted weirdly ever since.

I have tried to address this via Botox - like injecting my chin so that it doesn't prunify-up - but this also has the effect of paralyzing the depressor muscles and my metarsis muscles, which then affect my smile. As a result, when I get Botox, I can only grimace for the first few months following the injection, until the Botox dissipates. So I'm forced to choose between having a wrinkly chin or having no smile. It's a terrible choice with which nobody should be faced.

Anyway, I have several pictures of my chin that I can send, but I'm reluctant to just send them out to an impersonal email address on Craigslist. If you could provide me with a little more information as to how you intend to use the pics (if at all), I'd be happy to send them along. You will be completely horrified by the prune, I assure you.




Hey Robespierre!

Thanks for your response. My name is [redacted] and I am an Associate Producer for The Rachael Ray Show. We are working on a segment about people who are unhappy with the size, shape, appearance of their chin, etc. It is a part of an ongoing series called "I Can't Stand My ..." Please email me back as soon as possible with your name, age, location, email address, phone numbers and the following recent pictures:
  • Close up of face above the neck (hair back, clearly showing your chin/jaw line)
  • Side profile of face above the neck (hair back, clearly showing chin/jaw line)
  • Full length picture of you smiling.
I will give you a call as soon as I get this email and I look forward to speaking with you this weekend. Hopefully our expert can help!

Take care,


Hi [redacted]-

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm attaching pics.

As you can see, the problem is that on the left side of my chin, the muscle bizarrely seizes up. There's also a dimple on the right side of my chin. It's worse in person. However, when I don't smile, my chin looks normal, but my jawline is completely amorphous and uneven, and looks like I might be headed for jowls in the future. From the side, you can also see the jowly-esque quasi-double chin situation. I would describe my jaw situation as being akin to Demi Moore's in the movie Ghost, and earlier. She had an amorphous "mushy" jaw situation, and the I think she later may have gotten a jaw implant to rectify it.

Basically my jowly/chin situation does not make sense with the rest of my body, which is slim and petite. I'm happy to provide a closer full body shot if the one I attached is too far away. Even if you do not select me for the show - I would be eternally grateful if you could provide me with the name of your expert...I need to get this situation fixed one way or another.

If you'd like to discuss my chin further (after all, who wouldn't?!?), my contact info is below. I look forward to speaking with you!

1 comment:

Jenna said...

If you're on 2 talk shows in the space of 6 months I may vomit.