Thursday, September 18, 2008
Spanx Tights Revolution
I was reading In Style the other day, which by the way COMPLETELY changed its format to be more like Us and eliminated the feature where they're like "Look good in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s" because people in their 70s are usually dead or not reading the magazine. In any event, In Style featured these Spanx tights, which BLEW MY MIND. They combine all the key elements that one could ever want in a tight - opaque, Spanx-level "control" in the thigh and ass region, AND THEY'RE REVERSIBLE SO YOU GET TWO COLORS. Um, this is revolutionary and I have absolutely no idea how you can have reversible two-colored tights, unless they have developed new, laser beam technology where the yarn was split down the middle and dipped in two different vats of dyes and then reassembled.
Not that I won't be ordering all three color combinations, but I actually have no idea how you're supposed to wear colored tights. I only have black tights and a pair of gray, ribbed footless tights that dangerously resemble long johns so that when I take off my Les Mis boots I look like an asshat pioneer canning fruit for the long winter ahead. Like, can I wear navy tights with a black dress and black shoes or will that look insane - I actually have no idea. One time at my law firm, I wore black tights and white shoes and one of the secertaries told me that I had lost my mind and I'd like to prevent future mishaps like that from happening.