Terrifying logo from t-shirtOn my way back from yoga today, which I attended because I need IMMEDIATE enlightenment ASAP, I decided to stop into the most delicious restaurant in NYC, Caracas. Caracas is a Venezualan arepa bar and everything that they make is supposed to be dipped in this secret tangy/spicy sauce that is so unbelievably delicious that I want to dump ten gallons of it over my head, fill my bathtub with it and have it IV'd into my veins at all times. I seriously have googled the recipe 5 times in the hopes that I could locate it and then someone could make it for me, but the recipe is very elusive and I haven't found it yet. In any event, so I go into Caracas and ahead in me in line was the most terrifying glimpse into the future I have ever seen.
There were two short women in the early 70s, both in purple t-shirts and khaki shorts, pulled up socks and sneakers. One woman had a beltpack, the other one had one of those nerd passport carrier neck travel things that German tourists wear in order to avoid being pickpocketed in America because it is 1912 and the pickpocketing problem is rampant in NY. One of the women was wearing a visor, and her t-shirt said "Liberate prisoners of conscience!" The other was wearing a white painter's cap with two pins on them (Obama '08 and "Withdraw Troops from Iraq NOW") and a t-shirt that said "Outrageous Older Woman!" Neither of them had wedding rings, and both had severe calcium deficiencies. They argued over who was going to pay for the arepas and finally "Mo" won the argument and go to treat the Outrageous Older Woman to the food. It was with growing horror that I realized that god was at that very moment trying to show me my future and was not only warning me to start taking calcium pills but also trying to convey that if I choose to continue on my current path, I might as well proceed immediately to the nearest dumpster, deposit all my hopes and dreams in there and just throw in the towel now and start wearing the XXL t-shirt from Aliza's Bat Mitzvah that says "I Spun and Won at Aliza's Bat Mitzvah" on a full time basis.
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4 comments:
At least you know you can still go to Caracas when you're an outrageous older woman.
How long have you been secretly attending yoga without proper notification? how did your reverse warrior pose pan out after all these months? also, where is this Venezuelan shop you speak of?
a) At 25, I have already succumb to the fact that I too will be one of these women, and I look forward to my sequined visor
b) Caracas is amazing, and they were recently featured on throw down with Bobby Flay, however last time I ate there I got sick... so stay away from the chicken guacamole
Next time at Caracas, be sure to ask for their secret 'white sauce' with your arepas. It's not on the menu and they'll look at you twice before you say, 'Yes, I'm sure I'd like it' since you only need a pin-size drop full to fully appreciate it. Enjoy!
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