Monday, June 23, 2008

The Most Glorious Product Ever Known

Running dangerously low

As anyone who knows me likely knows, I am constantly in search of the magical cream, potion or elixir that will enhance my beauty to the point where I look in the mirror and literally cannot take it anymore because my beauty is off the charts. To this end, I have spent countless hours dog-earing pages in Us and In Touch and taking notes on Fabulous Life Presents: The High Price of Celebrity Hotness to keep abreast of the most expensive and therefore best ointments and lasers that I will need to get immediately in order to keep shit in high gear. As a result, my makeup cabinet is a graveyard of expensive and quasi-ineffective products that can divided into the following three categories:

1) products that were made or sponsored by a famous dermatologist (Dr. Brandt Cleansing Face Wash, Perricone Under Eye Lift Serum, Dr. Michelle Copeland Daily Cleanser, Dr. Wexler Intense Hydrating Cream), the idea being that if a doctor was in any way associated with the product, it represents the latest advances in zit technology;

2) products in luxxxurious packaging featuring gold and/or ridiculously small amounts of the product due to the scarcity and expen$$iveness of the ingredients from the ocean floor and Siam (La Mer The Cream, La Mer Face Wash, La Mer Toner, Guerlain Issima Success Eye, Shiseido Benefiance); and

3) "incredible claim" products with mystical ingredients (Du Wop Lip Plumper with chili oil, which will make my lips EXACTLY like Angelina Jolie's after a single application, TNS Recovery Complex made of baby foreskin which immediately regenerates the skin underneath my eyes, making me look 20 years younger, and therefore 8 years old, and Silk Protein Anti-Aging Cream, whereby powerful proteins infuse themselves into my skin and halt all melanin production).

Unfortunately for me, the only face cleanser product that has EVER worked for me on my very oily and occasionally zitty skin is Stridex Foaming Wash. Besides the fact that people seeing Stridex in my bathroom is bad for my image, you would think that this would be amazing, because I could just roll up to any Duane Reade and buy 30 of them and not break the bank, but this particular product is only sold at a store called Harmon in East Hanover, NJ, so every time I'm running low (as I am now) it becomes an epic production where I have to take the train out to NJ, take my parents' car to Harmon, buy all of the Stridexes they have in stock and look like a giant nerd at the cashier. If anybody knows of a place in NYC or online that sells this glorious product, this would be a great time to let me know so I don't waste a weekend making a pilgrimage to Harmon.


megan said...

the problem you have with stridex, i have with the secret to MY incredible beauty, which is "physician's formula gentle cover concealer stick (682 light)". this product can only be ordered from walgreen's or harmon's and is not carried in manhattan duane reade stores. however, i have had great success ordering online and suggest you try before trekking over to jersey.

megan said...

ahh - so not at harmon - but here you go:

no1uno said...

I can't believe anyone would post this or buy it. These are desperate times I guess.

what about Ricky's NYC? They carry all kinds of obscure shit but you would have to call the store because you can't search online.