Sunday, June 1, 2008
World Premiere Exclusive
Since I quit my job and am now less rich than I was before but am still exceedingly rich, I decided that yesterday when I was hungry I would do something known as "cook." I have done this once before in Philadelphia when I spent an entire day trying to make tofu lasagna to impress the person I was dating at the time in order to make it appear that I would make a good wife and mother, but the tofu liquefied because apparently I bought the "wrong" tofu. Anyway, after this guy ate the tofu, he didn't immediately compliment my cooking and I became enraged and vowed never to cook again because there's no point in cooking for other people unless they tell you it was the greatest meal of their lives. But the general idea with cooking is that you're supposed to buy the groceries, bring them back to your apartment, put them away, take them out, figure out ways to cook them, cook them, eat them, and then clean up afterwards and do dishes and then brag to everyone that you are "cooking for yourself" these days because you "enjoy it." Frankly, god would not have invented restaurants if he wanted people to cook.
Anyway, so yesterday I cooked eggs that may or may not have expired in January, and they were disgusting and now the pan is sitting in the sink and I am hopeful that it will either wash itself or Megan or Jen will come over and be disgusted by it and wash it for me because there is basically no way I am spending time washing that shit when I have other things to be doing like monitoring my credit score. I have an idea - instead of me doing all the heavy lifting with this intricate egg cooking, why can't Perry to do the dishes and make himself useful for once and start contributing to this household instead of just taking my money, mooching off my apartment and running up my electricity bills.