Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Class Reunions


This Saturday night is my quasi-high school class reunion (fine, I only went to that school for middle school but I still know all the people there and I was invited anyway so calm down), and it appears that this was a bad time to quit my job because now I'm going to look like an unemployed loser. When I was in high school, I remember talking to my friends about how at the10 year reunion I would roll up on my yacht with my husband and 37 children in tow, be dripping in riches and diamonds and be the CEO of 30 companies as well as a famous writer and devoted patron of the arts and international supermodel. Luckily the part about being rich, a famous writer and a supermodel is 100% true, but unfortunately I don't have a yacht (YET) nor do I have a husband or any kids to speak of, unless you count my dog, but it may look suspicious when people whip out their childrens' bronzed baby shoes and I show them Perry's professional Hanukkah pictures.

In any event, this weekend's reunion is actually just a practice reunion for my real 10 year high school reunion this Thanksgiving, which will likely be the most important day of my life. A day when phoenixes rise from the ashes, the mighty are brought low and the meek inherit the earth. Below, I have outlined my tentative schedule of critical preparation:

1. August 15, 2008 - give up all carbohydrates
2. August 16 - begin Master Cleanse
3. August 17 - hire celebrity personal trainer for workouts 4x daily, 8 times a week until reunion
4. August 18 - schedule secondary rhinoplasty
5. August 19 - get secondary rhinoplasty
6. August 20 - acquire steady and goodlooking boyfriend who is r$ch
7. August 21 - become exceedingly r$ch
8. November 27 - end Master Cleanse
9. November 28- attend reunion

2 comments:

Liza said...

practice reunion? ouch. where am i to find $80,000,000 and a strikingly hot husband in 3 days?

Mel said...

i went our high school's 10 year reunion this past thanksgiving. it was very strange b/c you talk to 100 people over the course of the evening... you tell 1 person your life story since HS in 1.5 mins, they tell you their life story since HS in 1.5 mins and then you both move on to the next Miller -- it's a bit like what i'd imagine speed dating to be.

and by the by i haven't had a job for 2+ years, so don't stress.