Sunday, June 8, 2008

Greetings from the Rapture

You might not notice what is going on so an email reminder might be useful

Megan sent me an amazing site the other day, You've Been Left Behind. This is a convenient service for Christians, by Christians with the idea being that when the Rapture happens, people will want to notify their non-Christian friends and relatives via email that they will be temporarily out of the office for eternity and that if the non-Christians somehow hadn't already noticed, millions of Christians had gone missing because they were being given new bodies and transported to meet Jesus, so now might be a good time to convert. These Rapture emails are automatically sent to non-Christians, bosses and whomever else won't be participating in the Rapture when 3 out of 5 YBLB employees don't log in for a three day period. This is key because there is absolutely no possibility that 3 out of 5 YBLB employees will be on vacation at the same time and it is a known fact that Christians will somehow lose all internet access when the Rapture is going on. Unfortunately these days there are internet cafes everywhere and I'm actually not buying that there aren't internet cafes in heaven or that when Jesus returns to earth immediately all Blackberry signals will die or that everyone will be so obsessed with what's going that nobody will be able to spare a single second to text someone "rapture FYI" so that everybody else can know what's happening.

The most amazing part of all of this is that Christians' last and most urgent plea to loved ones to get on board with Jesus ASAP because things are going on is via email. So basically this means that if you turned off your Blackberry because you were at "The Lion King" or they send it to an old email address or it by accident goes to your spam folder and you somehow miss the email, it won't really be that big of a deal except that you'll be rotting in hell for all of eternity and there may be other serious problems.

Ugh, I asked around and apparently I don't have any friends that subscribe to this service or obviously care enough about their non-Christian friends that they would want to at least shoot me an email notifying me that they're in the Rapture so I don't freak out and think they've been kidnapped or whatever and call the police. In any event, I would imagine that the Rapture email that I WON'T be receiving because I have selfish friends says something like:

"Hi Marin - this email has been electronically generated from You've Been Left Behind. I'm in the Rapture now and can't talk for long but I wanted to invite you to join me here but in order to do so, you have to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. If you'd like to join me and meet Jesus, please click 'accept meeting request' and it will automatically be entered in your Outlook calendar."

My main question here is what happens if there is a glitch in the system and these 1-800-Rapture Now emails are sent out erroneously - will I be receiving a follow-up email that says "False alarm - no Rapture yet" because if so, I need to be monitoring my inbox for this email as well.

1 comment:

Jenna said...

You have failed to mention that to participate in this one last hoorah for Jesus you have to pay $40. Is there PayPal in heaven?