Friday, January 30, 2009

Where in the World is Jeff Van Vonderen?

We're fighting to get you back and we want to invite you to join that fight

In the post Intervention Needed on Intervention, I describe how A&E should just shut down production on Intervention because they're having aged chipmunk Ken Seeley and wax figure Candy Finnegan doing all the interventions this season instead of Jeff Van Vonderen, which is a recipe for lame interventions and incomplete recoveries. This morning I received a comment on my blog stating that Jeff had gone AWOL from the show because he had a "relapse in his own addiction and is receiving treatment for it." My first thought was that that could not possibly be true because Jeff's only addiction is to KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES. However, internet research revealed that Jeff took a leave of absence from the show because he relapsed back to drinking/gambling. I'm obviously devastated to hear this news, but I just want to tell Jeff, if he's reading this:

I'm here today because I love you but I feel like I'm losing you. I want you to join in the fight to get you back. I remember the time I first watched Intervention. It was with that woman who was a millionaire but an alcoholic, and had to take a limo cross-country to get to the treatment center. You encouraged this trainwreck to leave her pets and get help. But now all that's changed. You're not on the show anymore. You've left Ken and Candy to help these addicts but Ken has a bad tattoo and Candy looks insane. They also are not as effective as you and sometimes they steal your lines. If you do not come back to the show TODAY, the following will change in our relationship: I will no longer send people flowers for their birthday and sign the card "Jeff Van Vonderen." I will not save the Intervention episodes on my DVR with the intention of one day converting it into a DVD even though I don't know how to do that. I cannot stand by as you allow this show to be destroyed by Ken and Candy. Please accept this precious gift today.

5 comments:

Victoria said...

I bumped into the brother of a girl I used to go to grammar school with last weekend at the bagel store. He told me that his sister, the girl I used to go to school with, left everything behind in NY and is now a writer for Intervention in LA. Maybe she knows what happened to him and if he's coming back.

Seeking said...

How are you coping with your hair situation? Are you just putting it up in a ponytail? I still want to cry everytime I think about my hair. I'm shorn. There's just not that much that you can do when you don't have that much hair, and it's going to take me 3 months to grow this shit out. NEVER, EVER, EVER change your hairdresser, even if the new person is supposed to the best and charges twice as much. BIG MISTAKE. Picking the right hairdresser is almost as important as picking a good plastic surgeon. Seriously.

annie said...

Holy cow, that was hilarious. I stumbled across this post searching for updates on JVV (sad, I know).

Debra said...

Hilarious.

miss v said...

i realize i'm late in commenting, but i just found this post as i was looking to see if jeff would be on the new episodes. man, i loved him like crazy.