Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Cold Sores

Well, I just got back from the deli where I usually acquire my daily Zone bars and coffee. This time, I had decided to "buy healthy things" as part of Operation Fat Thigh Minimization, a new and fairly emergency operation that is being implemented in light of the events that occurred in New Orleans. Such healthy foods included green apples, yogurt-covered raisins, Jello snacks that people eat on the Biggest Loser, plain yogurt, Boca burgers and Yogi-brand tea for maximum spiritual enlightenment.

As I'm checking out at the register, I ask the Korean lady behind it if I could also have a small coffee, and when she returned to the register after making my coffee, it then that I notice that she has a GIANT FESTERING COLD SORE ON HER LIP. It was large, red and FLAKING. I would say that my fear of getting cold sores ranks second only to my fear of bed bugs, which is to say that pretty much nothing on god's green earth could be more alarming to me. I understand that people have cold sores, but if you work in the FOOD BUSINESS, perhaps when your sore is in full on infection mode, you might want to call in sick to work or wear a band aid or something to minimize transmission. So I'm watching her in horror as she's touching all my groceries, lifting the coffee into the bag and then attempting to give me my change back IN MY HAND at which point I recoiled and pretended to be routing around in my pockets for my keys so that the money that her hand would not touch my hand, thereby buying myself time to decide whether I wanted her to keep the $4 change or risk getting cold sores from the money.

I ultimately gingerly took the change from the counter, eying it for any cold sore viruses and when I determined that there weren't any on the bills that were readily visible, I put it my pocket but not in my wallet as a precaution so that the other bills wouldn't get infected if by some chance I hadn't seen the virus. I took the grocery bag out of the deli, promptly dumped the coffee in the garbage can, went home and washed the apples, the Boca burger box and all the other stuff in scalding hot water. In better times, I would have thrown it all out, but I'm actually not a millionaire anymore, and if getting cold sores is the price I have to pay in order to save money, so be it.

1 comment:

subdividedkid said...

cold sores are gross... but the fact of the matter is that one in every TWO people has the herpes simplex virus (thats the cold sore, or canker sore, yes canker sores are cold sores but INSIDE, kind). I don't like to think about herpes below the belt, so I won't.

but honestly, if you could say how many people are in your family-- let's say it's 6-- 3 of them more than likely get cold sores... and if they DON'T-- then they are probably CARRIERS. That means, even if you cannot see a cold sore, some people may have them and can transmit them to you yet never themselves get a break out.

This is why I, and most people, don't kiss on the first date, or wear chapstick like it's their job.

good luck. but, honestly-- it's futile to worry about cold sores. you probably have it, or will have it, or have dated or kissed someone with them.

Dogs can't get them.