Monday, January 12, 2009
My Downstairs Neighbors
I've already described my upstairs neighbors and their ceaseless attempts to wake me up on Sunday, but honestly their Jack and the Beanstalk games and piano throwing habits are NOTHING compared to my downstairs neighbors. Both sets of neighbors have made a pact to make sure that I am disturbed as much as possible and they have devised a system whereby the upstairs neighbors handle the weekend noise and the downstairs neighbors handle the weekday noise, although the downstairs neighbors have a different approach.
You see, every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night, at approximately 11:58pm, my downstairs neighbors host raves which follow a very particular format. When I turn off most of the lights in my apartment to settle into bed and start reading Opus Dei: The Truth Behind the Myth, it triggers a silent alarm downstairs, at which point my neighbors radio their friends to stop hiding behind the bushes outside and come in because the party's about to start. The rules for the party always the same: tap shoes only, no less than 3 basketballs must be bouncing at once, communication at the party may only be done through megaphones, and the designated light switcher is in charge of turning the lights on and off every two seconds while the mirror holder's duty is to hold a mirror in the backyard reflecting the flickering light into my apartment.
When I turn off all my lights to go to bed, this triggers an additional silent alarm which then turns on their stereo to jungle/house music, although the exact song is selected based on whichever song has the most drum beats per second. For the next hour, guests tap themselves into a frenzy, take out bongos and put a microphone next to it and play Harry Belafonte's greatest hits and when that fails to get me out of bed, the glow-stick party spills out in the backyard where the mirror holder reflects as many neon necklaces into my apartment as possible until I get out of bed and scream, "I'M UP! I'M UP!" at which point the party can be disbanded until the following night.