Monday, April 21, 2008

Beautiferousness

The Ordinary Life of a Beautiful Person: Me (on left) at a dance recital. We danced to Whitney Houston's "So Emotional"

After being ill all of Friday morning, I discovered that if you take two Advil instead of one, you feel better, as opposed to just taking one which really doesn't do anything except taste good. So, armed with a new lease on life I put on a purple breastacular dress, sunglasses, leashed Perry up and went to the stationary store to get Dr. Russett P. Feldman, M.D. personalized stationary for her birthday and simultaneously be robbed of $194.73. On my way home from the robbery, this really tall good looking guy carrying two Bed Bath & Beyond Awful bags got tangled in Perrydoodles' leash, and he turned around and said he worked for a site called "Ordinary People" and asked if he could film me. I asked him if this was for Girls Gone Wild or a porn site, and he laughed and said no, that his site was a "meta-reality" site that just filmed "beautiful people" doing every day things, the implication being that I was a beautiful person doing an everyday thing.

As this could be my chance for everlasting fame and riches, I agreed to walk 30 feet and wave to the camera. So this guy runs in front of me, takes out a camcorder and films me walking Perry on Astor Place which meant that I obviously had to trip in a gap in the sidewalk and couldn't straighten out my dress as the wind blew it against me into my crotch but hopefully not revealing my Spanx. After I stop walking, he runs up to me so that I can see the footage but obviously I would rather die than watch myself on video looking horrible, so I said no, he could just post it on his porn site or whatever. He laughed, told me his name was Patrick and told me he'd post it to his site and then he walked away when he technically should have been asking me for a date which he didn't which is annoying.

I later went to the site and somewhat insultingly for me, it's not really beautiful people at all, it's just mainly average looking girls with large breastaculars and this guy obviously has a boob fetish. I've been refreshing my browser like a maniac but I'm not on the site yet which either means I'm not beautiful enough which would blow or you can see my Spanx, but I'm not lying, I really was filmed.

4 comments:

JC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JC said...

I think you are more beautiful than any of the women on that soft-porn site.

scott said...

I agree with Jesus above; that site is beneath you. Also, you still aren't on the actual page. Finally, your link is bunk.

Try:
THIS ONE instead - just delete the www.blogger.c0m from your link.

Gabe said...

That jumper in the picture is definitely breastacular.