Friday, April 18, 2008

Pope of Hope/Hop on Pop

This is my John Paul II action figure

Yesterday they sent this email out at work about street closings for Pope Benedict's visit to Ground Zero because of the crowds that would gather, which struck me as odd because it just seemed like people stopped being into the Pope after John Paul II died. I live right across the street from a Polish Catholic church with a giant marble bust of JP II outside and every Sunday all their little service booklets say on the cover "In Honor of the Holly Pope John Paul II" because they like to pretend that JP II is still the "holly" father. I think the general consensus is that JP II rules and Benedict needs concealer under his eyes, and I don't understand why anybody would be into Benedict when he was a Nazi youth, looks like Gargamel and his last name Ratzinger includes the word "rats."
JP II was so cute and grandfatherly and he looked completely a.dorable in his little red shoes and miter when they were carrying his body in procession during his funeral. JP II was also pretty hardcore and waved to people in a sweet convertible popemobile until he was shot and in fact he was so hardcore he even forgave the guy who shot him, and Benedict has not even been shot once but he still rolls up in a diamond reinforced assassination-proof mobile. JP II also had collectible dolls made of himself, and I bought one on ebay right after he died and that shit cost me like $47 and I don't think Benedict has an action figure out yet, which is not a good sign. So far, Benedict has only impressed me with his Daily News headline yesterday, which was "Pope of Hope" (in a hilarious nod to Dr. Seuss' Hop on Pop) which is pretty good because it rhymes, and rhyming is KEY.

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