No Point in the Olympics

So today, my friend Chris texted me that he was looking for ideas for how to put out the flame of the Olympic torch. I suggested Supersoaker Sniper which I think would be the only way to do it, but his text actually reminded me that the Olympics are coming up sometime soon, possibly in China but I'm not sure. I'm mainly not sure about whether it's in China because I don't care, which got me wondering whether anybody actually cares about the Olympics other than people who are in them, and I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

Frankly, the Olympics were relevant when we had a grudge against Russia or other places, and instead of killing civillians we just killed shit on the gymnastics floor and beat them in running races. But now that that grudge is over (which is clear based on the fact that all the Russian villians in movies have been replaced by Middle Eastern villians), who cares if a Russian swims faster or does beach volleyball better - good for them. Apparently the Olympics gets really high TV ratings but that's obviously because there aren't any other viable choices if the other options are a) watching a wall in your apartment, b) watching According to Jim or c) watching Amnesia.

The only potentially non-boring Olympic sport is women's gymnastics. I can't remember if gymnastics is part of the summer or winter Olympics, but sometimes it is mildly entertaining to watch for armpit stains or watch them put on the American flag windbreaker jacket immediately after they have done an event. But even gymnastics is a total snoozefest now that that pervert Bella Karolyi isn't coaching any more, but sometimes he is in the audience. Also, if they win a gold medal, is the point that they win gold or that they win a medal? Because I can understand competing for an actual piece of gold but if it's just gold plated then you can buy that easily on Canal Street.