Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Scientology of Waxing

Megan just sent me a gchat asking if I wanted to make an appointment with our waxing guru, Yasmin for this weekend. The background to this story is that Megan is a fanatic about getting waxed like every 2 weeks, and her Saturdays often revolve around making the trek to the West Village to get Yasmin to apply steaming hot wax to the areas she desires waxed, a) because she hates hair and b) because she, like many other women, is of the delusion, perpetrated by waxing professionals worldwide, that the more you wax your hair, the thinner it grows in until one day it miraculously disappears so there is nothing to wax at all.

In a nutshell, this "keep on waxing until you're hairless" scheme is the oldest Scientology trick in the book, just like Scientology people have to do all this auditing crap, watch Tom Cruise movies and sit in the Times Square subway station with a "stress test," in order to ascend the levels of Scientology from OT1 to OT8 until they're "Clear" and then Xenu, their internal Thetans, and the intergalactic forces will no longer have any power over them and they can walk through walls and make chalk move and do other shit described in the book Matilda by Roald Dahl. Well, apparently Tom Cruise is "Clear" and as far as I know he's can't walk through walls, hide his shoe lifts or make good movies recently, and similarly I have yet to meet one female friend who has attained "hairlessness" after copious waxing appointments and spending approximately 7 cagrillion dollars. I'm not saying that there isn't a point in getting waxed because obviously getting waxed is KEY, but people need to stop tricking themselves into believing in this hairless El Dorado and maybe consider laser hair removal.