Thursday, April 17, 2008

Man Jewelry = No

The guy with the 30 inch Star of David is on the right. Unbelievable and hilarious pic courtesy of Jen. This entire picture is unacceptable.

My friend Jen informed me, post hoc (actually, I don't know what "post hoc" means, but I think I'm using it correctly) that some guy she had gone on some dates with wore his Tufts college ring. This is absolutely 100% unacceptable, and had she revealed this information to me in the beginning I would have strenuously advised her to dump him immediately. Unless you are literally in the movie Goodfellas, bejewelled or non-wedding related rings are absolutely ridiculous and make men look like child molesters. This past summer I went to Fire Island with Jen, and she befriended a guy whom I refused to even introduce myself to because he was wearing a gold necklace with a 2 x 1.5 inch long Star of David pendant while shirtless on the beach. I begged the people around me to agree that it was completely ridiculous and potentially illegal, but everyone just seemed to be acting casual about it, like it was no big deal whatsoever that some guy was tanning with a 30 inch Jewish star danging from his neck. Um, needless to say I did not fit in in Fire Island whatsoever, and in fact you'd have to light me on fire in order to get me to go back.

For your reference, I've compiled a list of other unacceptable man jewelry: Livestrong bracelets, gold or silver metal chain bracelets, thumb rings, hemp necklaces, shell necklaces, hemp and shell necklaces, crosses, Jewish stars, leather cuffs, Kabbalah bracelets, and college or fraternity rings. The only acceptable bracelet I can think of is that Diabeetus alert bracelet, and even that is borderline unacceptable.


scott said...

After my poor showing on the codicil, (I'm 5'7" on a tall day, nobody has ever called my body "slammin" or even close to "too jacked", my jaw is strong but not Dudley Do-Right-esque, and you out-earn me) I felt obligated to announce that while I wear a watch slightly larger than my head, I don't sport any other man-jewels. I've never even owned any hemp (cough, Meg1) and I really dislike Lance because he's a cheating junkie.

Jennifer said...

LOL. Thanks for the shout out, I love you. By the way, I gave this guy a pass because the ring didn't contain a gemstone and he went to prep school ... come to think of it, I gave him a lot of passes he didn't deserve.

Joshua said...
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Matthew said...
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Robespierre said...

Just in case people think I am just deleting comments I don't like, I only delete comments that falsely defame other people, but I will certainty reiterate the valid of that comment here:
1. I am albino
2. I am a horrible girl
3. I am odd looking. Oddly SHAMAZING LOOKING.

Jennifer said...

While we are it Marin, here are some comments I would like to confirm:

1. Yes, between the years 1998 and 2002 I hooked up with 100% of the ZBT nee Phi Delta Theta fraternity. Later, I retired to law school to rest. The 30 inch Star of David was never a recipient of my famed skills - this is why I suppose he's still bitter.

2. Yes, I admit it. I hooked up in Fire Island.

narixx said...

Man jewelry:man beauty::big truck: manhood. Back in Missouri, we had a saying for all this - you cain't buy what you ain't got.

That seems to mean that if he's got a 30-inch Star of David around his neck, there isn't one in his pants. Hmm.

Emily Derksen said...

Finally, someone who realizes the absurdity in a man wearing jewelry. I agree completely with almost all that you say, You are positively hilarious and have a way of making my day that much better, thank-you for finally being someone not afraid to be honest and tell the people what they need to hear.