So last week I was at this shoe repair guy on Wall Street, right near where all the R$CH guys work, dropping off some redonkulously amazing shoes, obviously all of which were purchased on ebay. I had just come from the gymnasio, so my hair was freshly blown out, my pancake makeup freshly shellacked on, and frankly shit was looking top notch. Except that I was wearing a skirt with my gym sneakers, like a nerdy commuting 80s power woman executive.
As I’m explaining to the shoe guy what needs to be done, out of the corner of my eye I see three i-banker types come in to get their shoes shined, right next to me. Normally I would try and make eye contact or spray perfume or “mistakenly” pour milk down my back, but I was pretty much 100% humiliated that I was standing there in gym sneakers, so I just did what I normally do, which is turn red, start profusely sweating and basically race out of there like a giant nerd.
Unfortunately, I wish I could say that that never happens to me, but sadly I wear sneakers every day to and from the subway to work and to and from the gym. If I wore heels instead of sneakers while commuting, I would basically have to get up an hour earlier so that I could hobble for 45 minutes to the subway, get to my office and ice my feet for 3 hours and then spend the rest of the day scheduling bunion surgery.
My friend Liza suggested I get “cooler” sneakers like Pumas or something for the subway so I can stop looking so unbelievably dorky. But that would mean I have to bring 3 pairs of shoes to the office every day - heels, gym shoes and “cool shoes” and that is getting out of control. And besides, are these woman who wear their heels on the subway joking me? Also, are those impeccable asians that roll up with sleek, freshly pressed clothing and coats with no dog hair or lint joking me? It makes me very angry because I have seriously tried my entire life to conceal and overcome as much as possible my inherently nerdy nature and I feel that these people are just all there to remind me of my Rusty destiny.