Monday, July 21, 2008

Craigslist Apartment Cipher

Because it is my fate in life to move reenact the Oregon Trail and move once a year, I have unfortunately become VERY well acquainted with the Craigslist apartment ads. Having looked at a total of something like 60 apartments, I am well-versed in the real meanings of certain descriptions of apartments that brokers put up in order to get you to see the apartment, and let me assure you that no apartment I have ever looked at was described in the ads as "repulsive dump on dangerous block." As a public service, below is a list of words and phrases used in Craiglist in order to describe apartments, along with their true meanings.

1. "Amazing Deal" = bedbugs
2. "Steps Away from Subway" = ground floor apartment with barred windows
3. "Sick Location...Sick Price" = illness will be due to lead paint and proximity to gas station
4. "Gem" = bathtub located in kitchen
5. "Marble Bath" = pack of marbles left by previous tenant
6. "Great Block" = ten blocks away from a decent block
7. "*Pictures may not be of actual apartment" = HAHHAHA
8. "No Fee" = no fee until you sign the brokers fee agreement form
9. "Cozy" = Murphy bed
10. "Bohemian Dream Come True" = painted by Helen Keller
11. "Lots of light" = directly across from Mamma Mia! sign in Times Square


narixx said...

Oregon Trail - it's more than just a Facebook app!

Can you screenshot the CL ad for the apartment that Helen Keller painted? That posting will expire once everyone realizes the LL is too cheap to pay for the bohemian excesse$ of its former tenant.

"Bohemian Excesses" --> possible new name for Urban Outfitters?

Liza said...

you forgot...

Recently Renovated = last week the Super changed the light bulb.