Pedicure on Elm Street

Under no circumstances is this acceptable

When I get a pedicure there are certain things I expect will happen. First, I will be greeted warmly by the Korean woman behind the desk who will then tell me to "pick color" of nailpolish. As I'm deciding whether I will go with my go-to Kennebunkport hooker red, my goth Lincoln Park After Dark or some other seasonal-appropriate berry color and trying to determine whether somebody else at the nail place has stolen my color and is using it, a small Korean woman with a nametag that says "Sandra" will scurry up to me annoyed that I am taking so long and say "What color you look for?" and then do the color hunting for me. We will then proceed to the pedicure chair and foot sink which I will inspect for traces of bacteria and disease because 20/20 once did an expose on the dangers of nail salons, and then I will sit the chair and begin reading Modern Bride magazine. As the pedicure progresses, "Sandra" will ask me if I "want Spa pedicure" which Megan was once unknowingly tricked into to the tune of $53, and I will say no, and then she will ask me if I want "10 minute foot massage" for $10 and I MAY tell her yes depending on how good I assess her preliminary massage skills to be.

At no point during this massage does "Sandra" dunk my feet in a tank of toothless fish and have them gnaw off my dead skin as part of the pedicure. If she did, I would very calmly take the nearest knife, cut off my feet and then walk home.

[AP via CNN]